This Camera

Lost & Found

       Lost & Found // Zayn Malik

        

        THERE'S this feeling you get when you're alone and have no clue where you are. it's like you want someone to notice that you're confused and want to get out of this isolation, but at the same time, you don't. you want to be found, but lost. you're in the middle, either leaning toward the light or darkness. of course the light seems like the better option, but it's like you turn into dora the explorer and suddenly you want to explore what hides within the darkness. you're lonely, lost, and confused all at the same time.

        now, zayn was right smack in the middle of the dark and light. he felt himself leaning toward the light, but it's like a tough wind of curiousness is pushing him toward the dark. he's lonely, lost, and confused.

        standing outside of the apartment complex, he brought up a lit cigarette to his lips thinking about absolutely nothing. that's what he had; nothing. okay so maybe that wasn't true, but it felt like he didn't.

        he never really understood love and why it made him feel stupid and have all these emotions floating around inside of him. he doesn't really believe there's a definition for love just like there is none for beauty. beauty and love are personal; they come within the person. they are both unsayable. everyone thinks differently. some people may thing something is beautiful, but maybe the next might think it's the complete opposite. to him, they can't be defined because they're things that you define for yourself. love comes in many shapes, sizes, and forms. maybe just the touch of a hand. it's different for every single human being. 

        for zayn, love came in the form of chest-nut colored curls, green eyes, slim - but not too slim -body, small hands and feet, button nose, and cute laughs and smiles. love came in smacking him in the face; literally. no really, literally (she slapped him in the face - it was an accident, though...).

        puffs of smoke came from his mouth, his eyes examining them; fascinated. sometimes he wished he could disappear like the smoke... he didn't get why her absence made him think such depressing thoughts. harry would slap him upside the head and give him some cheesy quote that would make zayn shake his head. he envied his friend for his carefree and happy attitude toward life and all it's pain. he wished he could always find the good in things. yeah, he was probably full of inspirational quotes and all of this positive attitude, but when it came to his problems, he was never optimistic. 

             "zayn? what the hell are you doing out here? it's freezing and all you're wearing is a thin sweater. you're gonna catch a cold." zayn looked over at the voice, rolling his eyes.

                 "calm down, mum."

             "fine. freeze then, you shit," louis responded. his nose was so red that he put rudolph to shame. zayn was pretty sure his was the same. he was cold, but he had only come out for a smoke. he didn't really need a thick jacket and hat like what lou was wearing. 

                  "i won't freeze, lou. i'm too hot to freeze," he smirked, teasing.

                 "you're such a douche, gosh," louis rolled his eyes. he didn't even know why he was still out here in the freezing cold, talking to his mate who was clearly out of his mind. he could be inside where it was warm.

                  "no, i'm not. i'm just stating the facts."

                   "oh my god, you cocky asshole."

                   "dick."

                   "jerk."

                   "hoe."

                    "you - you - you.... shriveled nipple."

                "what the fuck?" zayn looked at him as if louis had grown a third eye. louis huffed, crossing his arms and trudging toward the entrance of the apartment building. opening the door, he mumbled something like: "stupid, nipple. hope he freezes and then he will be a shriveled nipple... that douchebag." 

             zayn chuckled, puffing out another ring of smoke. he was alone again. this time, his mind traveling to days like these that were spent with cuddles and listening to soft music. sighing, he dropped the cigarette, stomped on it, and headed back inside. his feet carried him to the stairs, deciding not to take the elevator. once he had gotten inside of their apartment, he headed straight toward his room, avoiding the chaos which was niall throwing grapes at his phone and at liam who was telling him to quit it.

                zayn was tired. not the tired that goes away with sleep, but the one that makes you want to drop to the floor and not deal with anything. so, he shut the door heaving a big sigh. he looked around, taking his boots off, not bothering to remove his sweater. his room was the coldest in the apartment as it was the one that got less heating. it was unfair, really. 

            walking toward his comfy and warm bed, he stopped midway as he saw a glint on his night table. his brows furrowed, his eyes searching for the source of the glint. zayn walked over to his night stand, spotting just what it was. his eyebrows furrowed even more - if possible. why was that still here? his arm reached out, grasping the camera. it was obviously hers as it had specks of white nail polish on the front part. he examined it like it was a foreign object, but in his hands it felt familiar. it was weird (very, very weird) to admit that he brought it up to his nose, finding it still held her sweet scent. an ache in his chest brought him out of his trance. shaking his head, he turned the camera on, waiting for the screen to light up.

               once it did, he hesitatingly pressed the button to view pictures. the first to pop up made him smile, but caused another ache in his chest, which made him wince. it was a picture of them both on vacation at a beach in california. he remembers it all well. he remembers him asking someone to take a picture of them, handing them the camera. it was strange; the aching, missing, happy, nervous, sad, loving, and wanting feelings he got just looking at this camera.                        

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i cry while writing this sometimes, tbh. buuuttt, i'm excited to keep on writing the rest of the books (only this one and one more left.. eek!!). ahh, gosh. don't forget to comment and vote! x