two sides of the same moon

eunseom | what do you mean, you don't know?

Eunsuh hasn't been heard from or seen in over two weeks, and her family has been questioned by the school as to her whereabouts.

It had been years since he had felt the uncontrollable wobble in his throat. He had learned over the years to control his countenance, his tone, his expression- everything about him was under lock and key, changing only when he chose. And now, as he was being interrogated by his parents for the tenth consecutive hour, he felt the control slipping like water through his fingers. He was no longer the water flowing over the rocks and branches in the river. Instead, he was the salmon that leapt upstream. Yet, it was not out of instinct or volition but by force.

"Straighten your spine!" His father commanded over his shoulder.

The boy closed his eyes, lips quivering with fear and strain as he shifted his numb, stiffened spine. His punishment for inordinance and dishonesty? The teen was expected to kneel before the family altar, at eye height with the framed images of his family, until he could find it in himself to tell the truth about what happened to Eunsuh. The school and his parents alike had an intensely misguided belief that he did something so abhorrent that she fled for her life with fear in her heart. So much fear she refused to return.

But what he shared with the authorities was the divine's honest truth.

Eunseom had found his twin packing a bag, and he immediately told her how ridiculous she was being. She wasn't going to solve her problems by running away from them and that he could easily handle the bullies without repercussions to her reputation. But Eunsuh didn't believe she had any reputation left to protect - everyone believed she had loose morals and was a black mark on the Moon family name. The most her twin could describe of her reasoning, her behavior was that it appeared deranged and pained as if a deer newly bulldozed by a semi-truck. She lashed out when he leaned in to help, accusing him of contributing toward her situation. She wouldn't let him even touch her because she knew it would hurt too much. He could see in her eyes how far away she already was and how afraid she was if he drew closer.

And I still pushed her. I kept believing she was just being the child she always had been. I believed nothing.

In recalling their final moment together before she disappeared, his breath always caught when he had to admit to accusing her of being ungrateful...Of complaining that she wasn't acting properly for all the good things she had in her life. For telling her that her family - who rarely regarded her with the same absolute pride and reverence as they did him - was enough to make her feel supported. And it was when he had to describe her compassion and tender reaction that he began sobbing like a child. Even when he hurt her the most, she still spoke without ill will. With the same love of a protective older sister.

"I don't know." he whimpered, wishing he could wipe the tears and snot from his face. "She told me to stay away and not get her in trouble with the police. She told me not to try and find her...She told me she loved me, I already told you! What more-"

Eunseom felt the hot sting of a swift strike at his face, unbalancing him momentarily as he recoiled. "Do not raise your voice at your father." his mother hissed in his ear, forcing him back into his upright position. "Your sister may be a dramatic girl, but the rumors were disproved. That is not a reason to become a homeless rat. Tch!" Father Moon threw his hands in the air with unmatched annoyance.

The teen recognized that a growing anger was rising in his father's being, but words tumbled out in defense of his twin before he could stop them, anyway. "You never took her instability seriously, and now look what you have done. You're blaming your child instead of blaming yourself for your part in her disappearance. You two have always played as if we are a flawless, happy family." Eunseom snatched their family portrait up and used the wall to guide him from the ground. The muscles in his legs began buckling, the male swaying and holding firmly to the wall for balance.

"You," he jabbed the portrait hard against his mother's chest. "You let her deteriorate, and you sat complicitly by. I begged her to eat while you praised her for her thinning figure. I begged her to dismiss the disgusting girls who took away her self-esteem, and you told her to stop sniveling and to be stronger. You corrupted her brilliance." He had too much courage now. Each word empowering him to reframe the story his parents had been telling themselves.

"And you-" The arrogant teen faced his father, tight white knuckles holding onto the frame. "You treated her like she didn't deserve to exist." Fully enraged, Eunseom pitched the frame across the room and stood triumphantly as the wood splintered and the glass shattered, all the shards clattering loudly as they fell to the floor. "You birthed us and kept us, but you act like we owe you." The two elder Moons stood in shocked, dismayed silence as they stared at their unhinged son. Both were unwilling to engage in another physical altercation now that he was at full stature but felt utterly disgruntled with his disobedience. "You will-" his father began but Eunseom was already face-to-face with him. A mocking grin accompanied his response, "I won't."

Their teen son spun away before they could get their grip on his shoulders and ran down the corridor to get his own pre-packed bag. There was no way after that performance that he was staying in the house. He would go to the only home that was safe to him in times of utter crisis: Nico's. So he carefully, silently, popped out the window screen and slipped out from the bedroom window. Thankfully, the twins had agreed to the bedroom on the first floor. Eunsuh was the one to convince him that sneaking out would be worth more than the view they would get from the upper terrace.

I will only find peace when I find you, Eu.