Why am I feeling like this? What's normal in this absolutely fucked up world? I don't feel like a "normal" person. But is there actually something "normal"? Maybe, things are just considered "normal" when they are...seen...often? I have no idea, but if I should be put in the definition of a well functioning individual I won't fit. I've heard people...they think I am strange. I am not sure if I actually care, but maybe it's just the fact I am used to it. When I was little...I was always feeling like I am from another planet and I just couldn't make real friendships. But then I didn't realise it, because I was living in my own imaginary world. It was so beautiful...strewn with so many smiles! Now? Well...everything is different. I am Evelyn and I am 18 years old. For 3 years I am struggling with mental illnesses. They (my doctors) don't know what it is really. They are not sure about the actual problem. They cannot put a real diagnosis, but now my psychiatrist is thinking about Schizoaffective disorder. This scares me a lot, but I am not loosing hope. If u don't know what a schizoaffective is, I can describe it. This is a chronic mental illness characterised by symptoms of schizophrenia like hallucinations or delusions. There are symptoms of mood disorder, too. Mania and depression. Haven't heard of mania? Well let's say that this is the opposite of depression, but a little bit more serious. My delusions? They say that it's the fact I am scared of people. I am scared of them, because I am absolutely sure they wanna hurt me. And even kill me...? I can't just like walk alone. I am freaking out when I am in my whole house without anyone else. I have a lot of nightmares during my short periods of sleep. Yes, insomnia is another problem of mine. Hallucinations? Not that many, but still...it happens sometimes. Aliana is my best friend. She knows everything about me and I hope that I know everything about her, too. Well, she is very caring person and is by my side all the time. Our friendship started 4 years ago. She is in my school here in London, but she is not from the same class.
Boyfriend? Nah. As I said, they think I am strange. I have moments of hysterical laughter and then I start crying out of nowhere. Sounds familiar? Hormones...
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Bipolar Love
RomanceEvelyn Ellis or most commonly known as "double E" looks like a normal 18 years old girl, living her wild teenage hood. In fact, this little girl has very challenging diagnosis: Bipolar Disorder. Eve shows unlimited strength and mental power througho...
