Sally/ A sudden rush forward or leap

Sally

Goodbye comes always all of sudden.

It's like a balloon being stung and it's gone. No one can expect when it happens.

You can's say goodbye to them, because you don't feel like it's the end. You still have so many plans of places or activities that you want to do with them on your phone memo pad. You know you have it, but you try not to think about it. Because it is so intimidating— once you open it again, it'll tell you that you don't have enough time anymore. Your phone lays in the pocket of your favorite leather jacket. It won't vibrate and give you notifications of gathering in these 3-4 months. You're already starting missing them, and regretting that you didn't make much time for just chilling with them. You kept saying you had things to do, which was always true, but that didn't mean you wanted to avoid seeing them. Of course not. You had such brilliant friends here, why didn't you open up your mind more?

Now, standing in front of a room of one of your flatmates, you out of blue get the feeling strongly.

Oh, she's leaving. You remember she's the nicest flatmate. Oh, but you didn't plan to go somewhere else with her. Small talks in the kitchen, that was all. You were shy. You were afraid of being awkward and weird to ask her for hanging out with you. What if she doesn't want to be a closer friend? Yes, I'm such a coward. Your right hand makes a fist. Stop. It's not the time to punch yourself, obviously.

You just say bye to her. She and you both know you guys aren't going to meet up again. You're leaving this university too after this spring semester. Besides, you don't live in this country. She's born here. Unfair, you think. Distance is always unfair, really. But you don't have a right to change it. NO.

You just receive her words, like hope you'll have fun anyway, it was nice to see you, or these concluding phrases. You smile, say thank you, but does this really the end? In your head, something cut the switch of your brain so that you can't feel anything—yet. Why am I so sad? You ask yourself. Well, I like her, but we didn't hang out that much. So, how come? What brings me this feeling?

Sometimes you just don't figure it out where it comes from, you know.

She's talking to you. You come back from your thoughts and nod. Yeah, no one can grasp why this disaster happened. You try to stick to the point. She's talking about this situation that everyone has to be self-isolated because of this virus.

I hope someone does soon though. She says.

Yeah.

Her phone rings. She answers and grips her suitcase. Alright. I gotta go.

It hits you, "I gotta go". You've heard of it so many times in dramas, movies, and daily situations when your friend has to work, but not like this time.

Right, you should go. You hug her and wave your hand.

She leaves with a small but warm smile.

NO, this is not what I wanted.

Of course not.

Now, you're standing in a room of your friend who lives a bit far from your flat. You remember the decorations in his room, but it's all packed. In only two suitcases.

He repeats it, of course not.

Oh, I remember you have an art book of Van Gogh, and your  old records that we found together in the city, your photos with us on the wall, your posters of our favorite movies, how your tobacco smells like, and your...

Your mouth dashes our memories as if it's a delicious spell. You know it doesn't bring everything back. You talk and talk, moving closer to the bed inch by inch, then crashes on it.

He puts your favorite music.

Do you want me to cry? You say to him, but he only smiles back.

OH, by the time of everyone going back and spreading all over the world except for my country, I'm gonna be crazy. You whisper.

L-O-L, he lies down next to you. Do you wanna stay tonight?

For our last supper? Yes.

You straighten up your body on the bed.

Did you make fun memories?

Did you talk to a lot of people as you had wanted?

Did you join events that interested you?

You always prioritize your study and job hunting, but didn't you say later/next time too much?

The end arrives sooner than you always think. Learn it. Even though you endeavor, it won't endue with a remarkable closure, because suddenness is an endemic of it. So, you have to endure your goodbyes from time to time, from place to place.