Mission 12

2. Operation

"You're kidding, right? There's no fucking way I'm going to KILL someone, Ki-Woo."

He shakes his head, as if sorry for you. "As much as I enjoy making you squirm, this ain't no joke, kiddo. You're going to have to do this to clear your debt."

You violently shake your head, refusing to believe this piece of news. You can't do this. You can't do anything beyond paperwork. Hell, you can't even do that properly. 

More importantly, you don't want to. Regrets of the dumbest things haunt you at night. You still think of that one time you accidentally squirted ketchup on your pants and everyone in school thought you leaked. You still get goosebumps when you recall the one time misspelled "auditorium" on the board in front of your whole grade 7 English class. You still can't sleep over the memory of you walking into a Halloween party, the only one dressed as a zombie bride. The only one dressed as something scary.

You could never live with yourself if you killed someone. You could never live with blood on your hands. You could never digest the fact that you are the cause behind a human losing their life.

You can't do this.

"I can't do this. Ki-Woo, I can't. I'm out."

"That's not possible, Y/N."

"What's the old man going to do? Kill me? Let him fucking do it, then. I don't care anymore."

In the faint lighting, the man's face looks serious, menacing even. The light flickers from the result of a faulty socket. The lights dance lazily on his face, in a mocking manner. A reminder, that you have no control over anything.

Not even the damn lights in your room.

"He's not going to kill you," he says. 

"Then I don't see why we're still tal-"

"He's going to kill your brother, Y/N."

You freeze. 

The one weakness you have. The one person who you had left in this world. The one person you would do anything for. The sole reason you're here, serving in hell in the first place. 

Iseul.

You don't even realize you've started crying till you taste salt and water. Your hands start to shake, and you only grip the documents tighter. However, it takes a minute for you to get a grip on yourself.

"Ki-Woo, please get me out of this mess. How am I supposed to live with myself if someone's cause of death is me?"

He's quiet for a moment. The silence scares you. You've never seen him like this before. Ki-Woo is tough, sure. But he has his fair share of goofy moments. If anything, he's never even gotten upset over your sassy responses to the task you've been given, or the smart-ass answers you give when talking back to him. He's never been like this. Like he's distressed.

"I'm sorry, Y/N. I tried to see if there's a loop around this. There isn't."

Weakly shuffling towards the edge of your bed, you take a moment to sit down. You finally release the documents that float to the ground like withered petals. Stroking hands through your hair, you suddenly feel a strong urge to pull some of it out.

What if I try to talk him out of it myself?

"Take me to him. I need to speak to the old man."

Ki-Woo sighs heavily. "Nothing will change his mind. Trust me on this." 

You quickly get up on your feet again. "No, it doesn't matter. I need to ask him some questions. If I can't change anything, then so be it. But I'm not going to start the mission. Not unless I can speak to him at least once about this." You know you can turn this around, and if not, you beg for at least an attempt.