Alone(male reader)(Rainbow six siege)

A slice of life

These past 3-6 months have been the worst ever. Everything went to shit and now I'm here trying to clear my head so let's go to the beginning. Last year at the end up of school everything was great nothing wrong everything was perfect. Me and one of the girls of my school had recently gotten together. She was the most beautiful person I had seen. She was short, had curly hair, and a very feisty personality. Go ahead and call me a simp but that's just how I felt. Her name was Angela and she was the best. We would be on the phone for hours and hours. It did bother me at times but seeing her and her smile just made my day. She was my escape from everything. School came back around and everything was good. Everything at home was great mom and dad were still together and everything was so perfect. Fast forward to September and everything started to fall apart. My mother was tired of my fathers antics and she left. My parents were now divorced. Just like that in an instant. Luckily I still had her she would just get my mind off of everything. She was like a light in the darkness per day. Fast forward another month and that's when the cracks in our relationship begin to form. Everything became a disaster. I just couldn't take it anymore... I loved her so much and yet I wanted to get out of our relationship...I just i don't know maybe the non stop phone calls got to me or her attitude changed I'm not sure but we were still good. Another month after that I had to let everything out and with in another phone call it was over. I felt a pain in my chest afterwards and an overwhelming feeling of guilt in my head. I had trouble sleeping that day. The entire rest of the week I felt sick to my stomach and yet I felt free... for some reason I felt free and I was glad to be out of that relationship. Before thanksgiving break she wanted to fix things and I refused... I refused to  fix anything...the week after the break she would stop talking to me. I found it odd but I didn't think much of it since the best way to forget a person is to not talk to them. Skip another month and I started to have a feeling in my chest and I noticed I couldn't forget her I just couldn't and now I wanted to fix everything I wanted her back. Christmas came around and I wished her a merry Christmas and she thanked me. Within the next couple of minutes she calls me...I didn't know why but I answered my voice filled with slight joy.
Angela:"Why do you still talk to me?"
Me: "I just wanted to wish you a marry Christmas"
Angela: "I don't care get over it it's over you fucked it up"
After that Anger filled my voice
Me:"fuck you"
I hung up after that...and yet i still loved her despite everything. Everything in school became more difficult and awkward she would still come to class but it was like me and her were total strangers. It hurt to say the least. Fast forward another month and I finally get the balls to fix things in person but oh boy how wrong was I. We had a talk but now the roles were reversed I was the one wanting to fix things and now she was the one refusing. She was having none of it. We hugged for the last time and we went on our separate ways. The car ride home just filled me with tears. I stayed silent pretending to be ok when inside everything was killing me. I got home laid on my bed and I just let it out. A stream of tears came out everything went from being perfect to everything being shit. I started doing drugs something i promised i would never do. Something I was so against I started doing. It made me feel at ease. Fast Forward another month and my Father is still trying to fix everything but I didn't care anymore I could honestly care less about what would happen. I stayed up late at my mothers house that day and thoughts just filled my head. I decided there was no use in being here. I texted my senpai and he just wanted to listen to what was wrong with me. He changed my mind and said there was so much more to life, he wanted me to think of the good times and how much pain my family would be in if i did go through with this. I suddenly realized what I was doing and got those thoughts out of my head. I calmed down tears leaving my eyes...I thought about the good times with Angela and my family and yet that didn't help but I wasn't gonna kill myself I was gonna live my life how I wanted to and I was gonna find happiness sooner or later. Soon Valentine's Day came around and I was alone like I usually was I still had her on my mind. Something I still couldn't get over. I wish I could've deleted all the memories of us. I wish we could've stayed together I just miss her every day. Fast forward another month and nothing had changed I wanted to be over this already and yet here I was still grieving over it. My mother and father are still at a bad spot in their divorce and I don't know when this situation will resolve. I just can't keep theses thoughts to myself. As I lay here in bed writing  tears streaming down my face I want to thank you guys for everything. Everyone that helped me out through this tough time. I just wish things could go back to the way they were but that's not gonna happen she's moved on and I need to do the same. I just wish the divorce was over as well. Thank you guys for reading I just needed to get this off my chest...see you in the next chapter.