Promises

Chapter 5

Sunday

The sound of my alarm clock going off tortures my ears at 7:30 in the morning. I groggily open my eyes to press snooze on my phone. Just as I was about to go back to sleep, I hear my mom yelling at me from outside my door.

"Ryan, you better be ready for church in the next hour, or I'm leaving you at home!" She yells.

I sigh, sitting further up in my bed. "Yes mom." I respond, wiping the sleep from my eyes.

I walk into my bathroom, my eyes blinded by the bright light, and turn my shower to its hottest setting.

As I strip off my clothes and look in the mirror, I can feel Ryder's hands on my arms and his lips on my neck. I shiver and remember yesterday's events, from the incident with Ryder to the long talk with Brett. My face starts to heat up when I think about Brett, so I turn around and go into my shower trying to wash away my thoughts.

After my shower, I brush my teeth and get dressed. I walk downstairs and greet my mom in the kitchen.

"Morning, mom." I say.

"Morning, baby. You ready to go? Let's leave before we miss praise and worship." She says, walking into our garage.

The church service happened as usual, we sang, listened to the preacher, and so on. The service was now over, and I was waiting in the car for my mom to finish talking to her friends.

She finally enters the car and grabs her keys from my hands. We get home quickly, and my mom cooked the two of us a meal, which we were currently enjoying at the table, just the two of us.

"How's school been?" She says, twirling her pasta effortlessly around her fork. "I haven't been around that much and you haven't told me anything. Are you still dating that boy, oh, what's his name?"

"School's great mom. His name is Ryder, and yes we're still together." My heart feels heavy as I say those words.

"Well you don't sound very happy about it." I knew I wouldn't be able to fool my mom, she could always see right through me.

"I am, it's just that," I pause, not wanting to lie to her. I sigh and start over. "Being with Ryder feels more like a chore, than a relationship right now."

"Why haven't you broke up with him then?" She asks.

"It's not that simple. I want to break up with him, but so much of our relationship is in the public eye. Breaking up with him could cause so many scandals, and ruin a lot of opportunities for me."

"Baby, you can't stay with him because he can defame you. I thought I raised you better than that. Let him try to mess something up for you. I will personally deliver a beating to that child, along with your brothers and your father. You know that." Her words get the wheels in my head turning.

"I know, and I'm really grateful for that, but if Ryder gets one rumor out there, and people believe it, it would be horrible for my image."

"Why do you care so much about what people think of you? This is why I didn't want you getting too caught up in social media."

"Because I want to be a model, and a model has to be perfect in every way."

"Do you?"

"Do I what?"

"Do you want to be a model? Because it sounds miserable to me."

"It can be stressful thinking of it sometimes, but a lot of things are right?"

"Thinking about your dream isn't supposed to stress you out, it's supposed to make you feel good."

"So being a model isn't my dream?"

"I should be asking you that. Is it what your heart wants to do?"

"I guess not. It's more what my brain wants."

"What does your heart want to be?"

'Loved. Appreciated. Happy.' I thought. "Probably something in the medical field, where I can be useful." I said instead. An OBGYN was always second on my list of dream jobs, my backup plan in case modeling ever failed me. I wasn't expecting it to, considering the number of shoots I've already done.

"So go for it. You're a smart girl, baby. You can do it. My daughters gonna be a doctor, thank you Lord!"

"Mama," I said laughing. "I'm not even sure about it, yet."

"Too late for second guessing, baby. I'm already praying for it."

We spend a few moments in silence after our laughter dies down. My thoughts drift away from my mom and instead to a different face that's been stuck in my mind for a few days.

"Who's the boy?" My mom asks, snapping me back to reality.

"What boy?" I ask pretending to be clueless.

"Don't play dumb, I can see it all over your face. Who's the boy you were just thinking about?"

I proceed to tell her about Brett and the very little we had going on. "His name is Brett and he's quarterback on our football team. He's not your typical jock though, he's really popular in school and online, but he hardly every talks." I tell my mom everything from my fall at Chili's to our FaceTime last night. It felt good to express my thoughts to someone, I was going insane keeping them all inside.

"What's holding you back?" She asks.

"I don't know, for one I don't want what's happening with Ryder to happen again. Brett's not anything like Ryder though, so I'm not too worried. It's mostly just nerves and anxiety. Ryder was my first boyfriend, and that didn't turn out very well, and I have no idea how to deal with the feeling I have with Brett. Besides Ryder and I are technically still together, and you taught me never to cheat on someone, no matter the situation."

"Well you're going to break up with him as soon as possible right?" We had moved on to dessert, and the sun had begun to set, the house dimming with the sky.

"There's nothing stopping me anymore, so yeah, but I want to do it in person. I can't break up with him over the phone, so maybe after school tomorrow, if you're okay with it."

"Of course. Don't stress too much over feeling unsure about your relationship with Brett. If it's meant to be then no matter what path you take, you will end up at the right destination. Do whatever feels good to you, and makes you both happy."