Falling For You | c.s.

||Chapter Eleven||

||Chapter Eleven||

—Charlie's POV—

As I got ready for school that chilly Monday morning, I thought a lot about all the things going on in my life at the moment: the Cody Simpson concert going to shit, Jazzy and her outbursts, my final exams coming up, my mom's upcoming doctor's appointment, and more. The thoughts were racing through my brain. But the two main things I was struggling with were my mom and Jazmine.

My mother had been battling cancer ever since I was about 4 years old, but went through remission when I was 12, so she had been cancer free for over 6 years. She had regular check ups multiple times per year, however, to ensure the cancer hadn't come back and started to spread again. I was worried because that Monday was her appointment day, and I was scared she was relapsing because she hadn't been feeling very good the past week or so before the appointment, which is actually why she rescheduled it to be earlier than what it was supposed to be, to make sure nothing was going wrong. I wanted so badly for my mom to be happy and healthy always, but my gut told me something was unsound, and it sent shivers down my spine at the thought of it every time. I couldn't stop thinking about how something could be awry, and it was the worst timing too with exams coming up and everything else going on.

I thought about Jazzy and how I would handle the situation. Were we even still friends anymore? Of course we were. Right? My brain jumbled and it was hard to imagine being friends with someone that was somewhat self-centered, but I also couldn't imagine not having her in my life. She gave me much of the purpose and confidence to keep being my best, alongside my mother. She was always there for me in the dark times, but sometimes I felt she was just trying to get attention by being overly dramatic other times. Or was I being completely selfish myself for thinking that? Ugh! Why did everything have to be so confusing? I loved Jazmine with all my heart and would do anything for her, so why couldn't I just go to her and talk things over like we always do?

I guess this time it was different.

I felt betrayed. Cheated out of a once-in-a-lifetime experience that nobody else could have understood. It may have seemed silly, but no one knew just how much Cody Simpson and his very existence meant to me. Meeting him was supposed to be the life-altering, heart-changing experience that I had always dreamed of, and I felt that Jazzy kinda just... ruined that for me. I had everything about that night mapped out in my mind: we would meet, lock eyes, my heart and the world around me would stop, and I would be left speechless and in tears at the sight of my hero who had been part of my life since I was 8. We'd then hug and he'd comfort me until I stopped crying, and start talking and talking until we couldn't talk anymore, and then he would ask me if I would be interested in seeing each other again. I'd make a fool of myself and exclaim "yes!" to which he would chuckle in reply and my face would turn bright red in embarrassment. Then, he would give me his personal phone number and kiss my cheek goodbye as he slowly walked out the back entrance, cascading away in a black Cadillac until he disappeared into the night, leaving me speechless and in awe. It gave me goosebumps just thinking about it.

I'll never forget that year, 2010, when I first saw a nightly show airing him performing one of his first big hits "iYiYi", and getting to see the wonderful charm and passionate heart before my very eyes. It was a true fairytale right from the start. He was my hero. He would always be my hero. Nothing could take away the passionate feelings I had towards him, the way my brain could only think of those eyes, that soul, the brilliant, creative mind. I was in love with someone I had never met. And I wasn't afraid to admit it.

This is why I was so disappointed that night when everything went to shit after the concert. It was supposed to be the experience -no, everything- of a lifetime, and the person I called my best friend didn't even understand that. But maybe I was being too harsh in not letting her explain herself? I knew Jazzy and had been with her long enough to know that when her attacks happened, they were practically uncontrollable, but it felt all too ominous timing wise for her to have such a strange attack like that, to the point where she passed out on the bathroom floor of a god damn gas station. God, was I a horrible best friend? We've been best friends since middle school, shouldn't I know her well enough by now that she would probably never do something like that to purposely hurt me? What if something seriously happened and she wasn't just looking for attention? I didn't know, but I told myself in that moment that I would talk to her at school that day for sure and at least hear her out.