Chocolates & Cigarettes

III. I'm not the man you think I am

*10 months passed*

"We made it!" he said gasping for air.

"Yes we did..." she took a deep breath. "We need to find shelter. I'm so tired..."

"It's because we walked too much..." he said. She was losing to much blood but she didn't seem to noticed and he didn't want to scare her so he didn't tell. "Let's go!" Shikamaru said putting her arms around his neck to lift her."Upsy daisy!" he picked her up.

And he carried her through the woods.

(...)

"Hello!! Who are you?! You're trespassing! Who do you think you are?!" said an old man.

"Hello sir, we're very tired and she's losing to much blood... Can we stay here for the night?"

The old man frowned.

"We'll work for you" Shikamaru said.

"Shiraaaaaa~" the man called. "Prepare the bed and hot water!" He yelled while turning away.

*3 more months passed*

 The sun was already up in the sky when he arrived to the gates. Once again, alone. A nostalgic feeling was taking over him, a deep sadness and a sense of loss, he was feeling like his heart was ripped out of his chest. The gates were open, he missed the smell of the trees, the heat of the village, he missed everything, but what he missed much was her.

Her scent, her naked skin, her lips, her touch... He entered the village and started heading home. He was not living with his mother anymore. After the war his mother left to stay with a cousin in another village. He arrived to his house and everything was so empty, all the plants were dead, the garden was full of weeds and everything was covered in dust.

"OH MY GOD! SHIKAMARU! IT'S YOU!" he heard Ino yell at the door. "I was passing, I saw the door opened and I thought it was some thief!" she said, tears were scrolling down her face. "I can't believe your alive!" She entered and hugged him crying.

He didn't say a word.

"I though you were dead! Everyone did!" She kept crying.

I am dead... He thought while starring at the door.

"Ino, sorry. I need to rest." he said pulling her apart. "Please, leave..."

She looked at him, his eyes were blank, no feeling was shown, he looked tired.

"Ok..." she said backing off. "I'll go..." she turned back at the door "Everyone thought you dead so... I guess you should go to Tsunade..." she left and closed the door.

Shikamaru went to his old room, took of his shirt and laid on the dusty bed. His head was hazy and he felt like a train wreck.

What's wrong with me... he thought. I can't believe I'm back.

Awful images filled his mind. He couldn't forget all the pain they went through when they were captives. All the things those guys did, they destroyed the last piece of innocence in them. He was jumpy, nervous, he was having cold sweats and everything seemed hard. It was hard to breath. 

Shikamaru heard something outside and his heart failed a beat. Was it a cat? he thought. His heart continued to pound heavily and it was very hard to breath. He started sweating more and he was shaking. He was trying to stop but he couldn't, everything was hazy and he started losing sense of space.

It was like the air was crumbling around him and he couldn't stop it.

"I can't control this..." he mumbled. "I can't control anything..." and the more he thought about it, the more it crushed him. I couldn't even take care of her... he thought.