Bittersweet Attractions

Chapter 4

Janet had invited Paula over and had told her about her parents’ divorce skipping the part where Bernice was now in love with a twenty-four-year-old man. She had cried about her father’s depression and had slept in her best friend’s comforting arms.
  Voices from downstairs woke Janet before the alarm went off. Carefully without waking Paula, she got off the bed and padded towards the door. She stopped halfway down the stairs to listen. She could just tell that it was Bernice and Brian but she could not make out what they were saying so she took five more steps down.
  “She is so distant these days. She doesn’t want to do anything with me. When we have breakfast, lunch or dinner, we do nothing but stare at each other, not even smile. I do not know what’s wrong with her or what I did wrong. Leaving together is so awkward now. Talk to her please, get close to her. Maybe she will tell you what’s wrong, her best friend obviously won’t tell me,” Janet smiled and shook her head with disdain at what Bernice had just said. She did not know what she had done wrong? Was she serious? And did she really want Janet to tell Brian what was wrong? Or was this her delusional way of getting her fake little happy family? If so, then Janet was going to die trying not to make it happen.
  “Ok, I’ll try to be of as much help as I can be,” was Brian’s reply and Janet detected a hesitation in his voice, that voice that made her whole body heat up every time she heard it. Perhaps he had noticed that she liked him and did not want to lead her on with spending time with her. She would die of shame if that was the case.
Janet could hear the smile in Bernice’s voice as she said ‘thank you.’
  “Anything for you,” Brian said and this made Janet feel sick. He probably kissed her after saying that. She was kicking herself inside for feeling the way she was. Torn, annoyed and on heavy feet, she dragged herself back to her room. Paula was still asleep when Janet got into the room and she prayed hard that she would not wake up until Brian left. If Paula saw him there, she would ask questions that Janet was not ready to answer. She was not ready to tell anyone, not even her best friend that her mother had left her father for a ‘boy’. For about half an hour, she tried in vain to fall asleep again and she gave up, going sit by the window instead just as Brian was leaving. From where she was sitting, she could see Brian kiss Bernice before getting into his car. Bernice stood glued there for a while after Brian had driven off with her hand on her lips. Had Paula not called her name, Janet would have cried from the intense jealousy and frustration she was feeling.
  “What are you looking at?” Paula asked, walking over to stand beside Janet.
  “Nothing,” Janet shook her head and quickly dismissed her tears.
With radiance that Janet wished she still genuinely had in her, Paula said, “It’s a lovely morning, right?”
Only now did Janet see darkness being replaced by the soft light of morning. She had been sitting there numbly not noticing anything else besides Bernice and Brian and whatever the hell she was feeling for him.
  “Yes it is,” Janet fitted a smile to her face and turned to face her friend.

  Bernice walked back into the sitting room smiling at herself. Brian was incredible. No man had ever made her feel the way Brian did. Not even Ernest. The love she felt for Brian was way past overwhelming. She would die if anything ever came between them. The world would not make sense without him. She looked at the clock and saw that it was almost time for her to go and do her daily supervision at the restaurant. But first she went to the kitchen and prepared breakfast for herself and the girls. Fifteen minutes later, she had toasted some bread with cheese and had fried bacon. She then went up to her room to shower.
      As she usually loved to do, Paula picked out both hers and Janet’s outfits and as usual, she picked just the right clothes for Janet. It was amazing how well they knew each other. Janet was more than surprised that Paula did not figure out on her own that something was bothering her. Maybe she was getting good at hiding her feelings as Bernice was. She did not want that to be true. She did not want to be anything like Bernice. She put on the skinny stripped grey and white dress and grey caged heals then went to stand in front of the full-length mirror next to her window. Thank the lord she did not smash that one. She smiled with satisfaction. The dress shaped her curves perfectly and showed off just enough cleavage to make any man’s blood rush. However, the only man’s blood she wanted to rush was Brian’s. If only he saw her now and had the same look in his eyes as he had when he looked at Bernice.
  “Stunning,” Paula’s voice came from behind and Janet was filled with so much embarrassment as though Paula could guess what she had been thinking.
  “Thank you,” she voiced out softly.

  Bernice looked up and smiled at Janet and Paula as they walked to the dining table.
  “I made breakfast,” she announced.
  “We can see,” Janet said unfriendly
Paula had no idea what to say or do- this was kind of awkward for her. So she just smiled at Bernice and sat down- more of an embarrassed smile than anything else.
  “You look lovely,” Bernice said looking at Janet but did not get a reply.
Paula who always had something to say was at real loss of words. She wished Janet would just stand up and say they leave. But for a real awkwardly stretched fifteen minutes, her wish was not granted and she had to eat her breakfast through the thick choking atmosphere.
Without finishing her breakfast, Bernice pushed back her chair and excused herself. To this, Janet seemed to relax and breathe with ease. Concerned, Paula looked at her friend who was killing herself to make Bernice miserable.
Shaking her head and throwing her arms back palms out Janet proclaimed sternly, “I just can’t stand her anymore. I just can’t, I won’t even try.”
Paula just nodded assuming it was just normal for Janet to feel that way about her mother considering their current situation.

      Paula’s second hand light blue corolla was nothing she was delighted about. She would trade it in for a bicycle any day if it was not for Sheila who loved the car like it were her child. It had been a wedding present from her husband. Sheila had given it to Paula on her nineteenth birthday. But never mind her giving it to her granddaughter, Sheila still treated the old car like it was hers. The old blue paint was flaking off the car, yet Sheila did not allow Paula to have the car repainted. Paula had been very excited when Sheila had given her the car. She was going to have it painted a darker blue and have its rims changed and the torn leather seats replaced, but Sheila would hear none of that. Now the car was just a liability that Paula wanted to get rid of. She did not think she would detain herself from driving into a tree just to get the job done therefore; they always took Janet’s car whenever they went out. Janet was awfully quiet the whole way to the mall. Paula knew better than to bring up her inane stories. Janet could be really nasty when she was in a mood, which was silly because afterwards, she would move heaven and earth apologising to everyone she had been insolent to. She had a real problem of wanting to please and appearing immaculate to everyone. When she finally gets over her parents’ divorce, she was probably going to beat herself up for being as rude as she was being to Bernice and go to exaggerated lengths to make up for it.

With five parking lots, one on each floor and over ninety stores, RedRitch mall was the biggest shopping center in Attana. Paula believed that shopping was therapeutic. They shopped when either one of them was sad or in a mood. When an exam paper was hard, they would shop and when they were happy too. They knew every corner of the mall as though they had laid out its blueprint themselves. And Janet was also starting to believe in the therapeutic power of shopping.
  “So what do we do first?”
Paula smiled mischievously and Janet did not want to hear what was on her mind, “Hair salon, we are going to add some fun to your hair,” Paula said with much enthusiasm.
  “Fun?” Janet asked with suspicion, “Define fun.”
  “Don’t worry. It’s nothing you are not going to love,” Paula tagged on Janet’s arm and pulled her.
Janet went along hesitantly. It had taken her three years to grow out her natural hair to bra strap length and she was not ready to experiment with it.
  “If I had your complexion, I would dye my hair white. You are so stiff, so one-way,” Paula shook Janet as though to lighten her up, “My mom’s hair stylist will do your hair, she is very good.”
With a thin smile, Janet agreed. She would simply dye her hair back to brown if by any chance, it would be coloured and she did not like it. Janet never went to the salon for anything. She always kept her hair tied in a ponytail or braided by Paula. She even put in her relaxers by herself or with Bernice’s help So as Paula talked to one of the ladies in the salon, Janet just stood awkwardly next to the door. The salon did not look like one of those where people would go to just for an ordinary hairstyle. It was fancy. There were mirrors all over, even the ceiling was covered by one big mirror. You’d be staring at yourself as soon as you walked in. on the far left of the salon were white leather seats where customers would sit and wait while maybe looking through one of the many style magazines on the glass table. Paula’s friend walked over to Janet and introduced herself as Nancy. If her hair styling skills were anything like the way she looked then Janet definitely did not want Nancy to do her hair. She was tall with a big pink afro and her eyes were much too close to each other. Her yellow dress was out of this world and her yellow lipstick was too loud considering her deep chocolate complexion. It was as though she had walked out of candy town. Nancy directed Janet to a chair and maybe she was good at what she did but the most worrying thing was Paula’s excitement. Paula usually got excited for all the wrong and crazy things out there.
   After an hour and a half, Janet was relieved there had been no scissors used on her hair. She could not hide how pleased she was with the blonde highlights in her hair and how shiny and wavy it looked.  Wow, her hair looked beautiful. No, she looked beautiful. Hell, she looked beautiful, her hair was majestic and her dress was incredible. There was no way she was ever going to surpass the level of self-satisfaction and confidence she felt at that moment. Nancy looked satisfied and she had every right to be, seeing what a great job she had done with what used to be Janet’s straight, long, boring, just brown hair. Paula was always trying out new crazy loud hairstyles but this time she had just done a simple bob weave and it was by far the most impressive hairstyle she has had. 
  “Thank you, I love it,” Janet said before paying her bill.
  Three hours later, Janet and Paula had too many shopping bags, they could hardly carry them.
   “I saw these lovely necklaces in..,” Paula stated to say and Janet interrupted with a serious shake of her head. “We are not getting them.”
Paula pouted, “why not?”
Shrugging and with heavy irony, Janet replied, “I don’t know, maybe it’s because we haven’t overspent yet. Or maybe I am not too tired to go looking for lovely necklaces that will most likely still be in store after two weeks.”
  “Urg, sometimes you make so much sense, I hate you.”
Janet laughed and then she froze. What the hell was Brian doing there? Ok, considering that the mall was a public place- that was a rather silly question to ask oneself. And by the way, Brian had all the right to be wherever he wanted to be whenever he pleased. It was not like she had made a public announcement about where she was going to be and who she did not want to run into while she was there. So she was simply just going to pretend not to have seen him- if only Paula could as well.
  “Oh look at who is coming our way. I call this fate,” Paula said with enthusiasm that Janet did not share with her. Now she was left with no choice but to watch as Brian gracefully marched over with his beautiful smile perfectly fitted on his amazing face. At times like this, she would happily allow quicksand to sink her.
  “Hi Janet,” Brian said.
  “Hi, Brian” Janet’s reply was almost a whisper.
Paula shook her head at how obviously awkward Janet was being.
  “Hi, I’m Paula. Could have shook your hand but as you can see,” she gave the shopping bags a little shake for emphasis, “Janet here, is a heavy shopper.”
Janet’s head snapped up to look at her friend and exclaimed, “Me?”
Paula laughed and said nothing.
  “Oh, I can help you with those,” Brian offered.
  “No you can’t,” Janet said quickly and immediately thought it was rude so she added, “I mean, we didn’t park very far and we don’t want to delay you or anything.”
Paula rolled her eyes, “oh don’t mind her,” she said already handing most of her shopping bags over to Brian who took them with a smile that killed Janet over a million times. She felt so stupid, helpless, and ashamed of herself as she watched Brian, silently wanting him and knowing she could not have him.
  “I thought you forgot his name,” Paula’s whisper cut through Janet’s depressing thoughts.
  “I’ve only just remembered it.”
Paula laughed, “Really? More like it’s imprinted in your head.”
  All the shopping bags had been put into Janet’s car and she was quickly thanking Brian when Paula suggested that Brian joined them for lunch. Janet prayed for him to reject the offer. To her dismay, he agreed.
  “Good, we’ll show you our favourite restaurant in the whole of Attana.”
“I can’t decide whether I want to eat vegetables or meat,” Paula complained once they were at the restaurant.
  “Why don’t you just take a dish that has both?” Brian’s suggestion brought an exaggerated look of surprise on Paula’s face.
Janet shook her head and laughed at how silly and animated her friend could be, “She is a self-proclaimed organised eater,” she explained to Brian who nodded slowly with a small amused frown.
  “I’m going to have to go with meat,” Paula announced before dropping her menu as though it was some kind of hard paper work that she had been working on and had finally gotten it right after a long while.
  Fifteen minutes later, they all had their dishes in front of them. Janet had settled for water as refreshment while Brian and Paula both got white wine.
Before Paula could finish her dish, she excused herself to the lady’s room. Janet knew she did that on purpose. Just leave it to Paula to make an uncomfortable situation worse.
  “I like what you’ve done to your hair,” he said breaking the awkward silence between them.
Her breath caught and she realised then that she had actually been wanting and waiting for him to say that.
  “Thank you,” she said with a shy smile while touching her hair.
  “And I love that strawberry scent too.”
  “Thanks again,” she said making a mental note to keep using the strawberry perfume.
She would have loved to return a compliment but where was she going to start? She loved everything about him. She thought he was perfect. No flaws at all.
Once again, there was a stretch of silence and she was relieved to see Paula coming back.
  “What did I miss?” Paula asked pulling out her chair and taking a sit. She looked at Janet then at Brian and back at Janet with a certain excitement to her face.
  “Nothing,” Janet said quickly, “what could you have possibly missed?”
Paula shrugged, “possibly the beginning of a sweet new love.”
Brian cleared his throat uncomfortably and Janet wondered how she became best friends with Paula.