Bittersweet Attractions

Chapter 11

Janet left the house before noon. She did not want to risk running into Brian. She did not trust that she would be subtle about her jealousy. She pulled up in Paula’s front yard next to Paula’s corolla. The front door swung open before she could get out of the car. Paula always waited for her guests on the window and always opened the door before they got to it. She smiled at her friend.
  “Oh my gosh, she actually showed up. I wasn’t sure you would come,” Paula said spreading her arms for a hug, “it’s been years since we have spent actual time together.”
  “Master of exaggeration,” Janet said getting into Paula’s embrace.
Paula told Janet how glad she was that she had come because she was home alone and Janet was going to help her make lunch. Paula loved food but she really sucked at making it. Not even a fried egg came out right with her. Janet on the other hand made good dishes but ate little. The two of them were really opposites in numerous aspects and this seemed to make their bond even sturdier. Where was there fun in being surrounded by mirrors anyway?
“Ok, just tell me the truth before I start jumping to my own crazy conclusions,” Paula said pushing her now empty plate away
Janet frowned, “what, what are you talking about?”
  “I know you have been seeing Brian. What I don’t understand is why you would lie to me about it.”
  “No I did not lie. I just didn’t tell you,” Janet jumped to her own defence.
  “Ok. Why didn’t you tell me? Why did I have to follow you around to find out?” Paula had never sounded this serious.
  “You followed me around,” Janet exclaimed, “why would you do that?”
  “Because you have been acting strange. Anyway, you are avoiding my question. Why didn’t you tell me? Is he married?”
  “Don’t be silly. He is only twenty-four, he is not married.”
  “People get married at twenty-one.” she was looking straight into Janet’s eyes.
Janet swallowed hard and lowered her eyes.
  “He’s, he is my mom’s boyfriend,” she drawled.
  “Wait, what?” Paula’s eyes were wide with disbelief.
  “He is Bernice’s boyfriend,” she said in a much louder voice.
There was an uncomfortable stretch of silence before Paula broke it with, “I don’t understand.”
Janet got up from the chair and went to lean on the fridge.
  “What’s there not to understand, Paula? My mom divorced my dad for Brian and now because I’m weak and could not control my feelings, I’m dating Brian and my mom does not know it,” Janet said in a voice that bordered between anger and hurt.
Paula was left speechless for a while. She had no idea what to think of this.
  “He seemed like a really nice guy though,” she managed to say at last, “how could he…”
  “It’s not his fault,” Janet interrupted quietly, “Bernice lied to him. He does not know that she was married with three children. He thinks she is thirty and I’m her sister,” she gave a small contemptuous laugh and continued, “I told him to wait before we tell Bernice that we are in love with each other. I feel like garbage when I think that I’m lying to him and making him lie as well. He appears to be truly in love with me,” she sucked her lower lip in and closed her eyes to stop tears from running down her face.
Paula walked over to her friend and hugged her. Now she knew and understood why Janet might have felt it better to keep it away from her. It must be a hard place to be in.
  “Am I a bad person for loving him?” Janet asked in a small wavering voice.
Paula shook her head, “no, not at all.”
  “Of course you would say that. I’m your best friend”
Paula pulled out of the hug and looked into Janet’s eyes, “that’s exactly why you are my best friend, because you are a good person. You can never be bad.”
Janet smiled. Her whole support system had come trembling at her feet when Ernest had left the house.  What would she do without Paula’s support?
  “I think you should tell Bernice the truth soon. And Brian too,” Paula said soberly.
Janet shook her head franticly, “if Bernice finds out then the whole family will find out. Do you know what that will do to us?”
  “I know, but will you hide it forever? It’s not going to work.”
  “I will tell them. Just not now. I’m waiting for the right time.”
  “And I think you don’t know when that is.”
Janet said nothing. Paula was right; she did not know when the right time would be.
  Her life had quickly become all about Brian. Her thoughts, her dreams and all of her was now all for Brian. Now all she could think of was what Brian and Bernice were doing. She could bet her whole life that Bernice could not keep her hands off Brian. But Brian was now hers, Bernice had no right. Last night Brian had assured her that nothing was going to happen between him and Bernice. She believed him then but now she was not sure anymore. Her patience was wearing thin by the second. All she wanted to do was drive back home and sit between Bernice and Brian. The sensible voice inside her head told her she had to wait and deal with this in a more reasonable way but that voice was just not loud enough.