THE FLAPPER'S FAN

Chapter 19 - Are ye fixing ter Stay?

I awoke with a gasping breath, my face literally stuck to the floor. My eyes were glued shut and behind the lids they burned. I coughed a little but my lungs were clear and the air was good, nevertheless I felt if I moved I would vomit. I decided to just stay where I was until the feeling passed but the blackness engulfed me again and I could not fight it. The next time I awoke I could tell even without opening my eyes that the light was different. The stinging had stopped and I was breathing easily. I realised I wasn't on the floor at all, I was in a bed. I smiled with relief. I had survived, and that was all that mattered. I rolled over and waited for the nausea but it had gone, thank goodness. I opened my eyes and stared at the ceiling. The plain white ceiling and circular light fitting were familiar and yet unexpected. I stared at them for a while, listening to the sounds of traffic in the distance through the windows; the laughter of guests in the hallway and the beeps and clicks as they entered their rooms, the blaring of a game show on the television in the next room.

I was back. Back in the hotel. Back in my own time. I literally felt my heart break inside of me. When I had seen Wayne with the other woman I had been shocked, but there had been no emotional pain, only relief. I rolled onto my side and curled up tight, finding myself staring at the digital clock. It showed the date as the day after I had disappeared. I had arrived back exactly when I had left. At the edge of my vision, the suitcase I had packed the night before was visible, beside it sat my hand bag. On the nightstand, my mobile phone sat connected by it's electrical umbilical cord to the wall socket. The little battery icon showed it was fully charged. I had no missed calls.

The strident ring of the hotel telephone made me jump and I reached out a shaky hand.

"Hello?"

"Miss Ryan? We are just confirming you are checking out today?"

I was? Where was I going? I didn't want to leave the bed.

"Is there any way I can extend my stay a few days?" I croaked.

"I'm sorry, Miss, but the hotel is fully booked. Check-out is by 12 noon or we will have to charge you another day."

But I wanted to stay another day. I sighed.

"OK, thanks."

I hung up and slowly sat. I was wearing my snoopy pyjamas. I wondered what Nick would think of them? My mood was deep purple, the only thing keeping it from pitch blackness was the beautiful memories of my time with Nick, and to a lesser extent my friendships with Charlie, Grace and Mrs Brewer. I even missed Joe. Even the luxury of a hot shower and modern toilet failed to bring solace. I dressed in jeans, a flowing pink shirt and matching flats and twisted the floral chiffon scarf about my neck. I looked pretty, confident, a woman in control. How wrong could you get.

I checked out using my credit card and left my suitcase with the concierge, then sat in the lobby to use my phone and work out where I was going next.

I decided I would follow my original plan and take the train up to Edinburgh, but checking online I could see there were no seats available until the mid-afternoon departure so I decided to walk around. Aimlessly I wandered, but the little shop was nowhere to be found.

"I want to go back," I said out loud.

Did I? Shouldn't I give myself time to make a well-thought-out decision? I threw up a quick list of pros of cons in my head. Pros for staying: cotton underwear, no typewriters, no impending world wars (that I knew of). Pros for going: Nick. Never drop everything for a man. Who had said that? My mother, after I left my job for Wayne. I promised myself I would never do that again. Nick could not be the reason I went back, or at least not the only one. But God, he was a pretty huge reason. What about my friends? Well, Grace had gone to the country with her little family and Mrs Brewer was more a motherly figure than a friend. Charlie was the sort of new friend you're not sure of, but you think will be worth it with a little work. All of them were more than what I had here. Work - well, I would never be a typist, that was for sure. But work wasn't necessary for a married woman. Would that work for me? Married to Nick, a lady of leisure? Sounded like my life with Wayne again. In the end, it was all moot, because the train departure time loomed, and there was no sign of the shop. I headed back to the hotel to retrieve my bag and caught a cab to the station.

I enjoyed Edinburgh, even with the cold weather. The Castle loomed over the city like an ancient guardian, the people were gruff but endearing. I stayed a few days and then hired a little car and drove toward the highlands. I stopped in at little villages and stayed in cute B&Bs. I found myself sharing a dram with a couple of old locals who regaled me with the ancient legend of Robert the Bruce, and the story of Bonnie Prince Charlie and the 45 Jacobite uprising. I walked Culloden moor where the clans lay buried after their heritage was torn asunder in the battle that ended it. I walked through the museum in Drumnadrochit and marvelled at the possibility that Nessie was real. I had time traveled after all, anything could be possible. I tramped through the heather, and explored the ruins of ancient castles. When my car broke down in the village of Craigburn and the rental company came to collect it, I decided to stay. I found a boarding house and slept for two days, wondering how I was going to go on, and questioning if I even wanted to. Knowing that I was heading down a dark path, I dressed and left the room then explored the small town. I sat in the park and watched a young red-haired woman leading a string of children to play. One of them decided he had gone quite far enough. I smiled knowingly. She really should have had another carer on the end of the line, to keep them safe and moving forward.

"Need some help?" I called to the flustered woman.  She reminded me of Charlie, her hair a similar shade, her face just as round, her eyes twinkling in the same way.

"Aye, would ye? This wee one has a mind of his own and I canna move him if he dinna want to be moved."

"You need another adult," I said casually.

"My other carer literally ran off today to get married in Glasgow and it doesna look like she'll be comin' back, damn her hide."

"Miss Campbell, ye said a bad word!"

She rolled her eyes and me and I grinned. "I was a child care worker myself, back in Australia, but it's been over a year."

"Really? Are ye just passin' through then, or are yer fixin' ter stay?"