"You held the balance of the time but only blindly I could read you."
Manar's POV:
"Leila.. I'm so sorry.. but I just don't think of you this way.. I love you so much.. but we're just friends.. I'm straight.. I already told you.. you already know that :')" I typed with soreness; I don't really understand the essence of those overlapping feelings.. I do not know how i feel or where it is going to lead.. but I absolutely know something: that's not what I've always expected; I'm still sure about one inevitable fact: It's not what i want either.
Maybe I do love her.. but love is never enough, I don't want a relationship.. perhaps I should stop talking to her, I know that I'm always so in control.. but she's started to weaken the solid sturdy shield that I've been building for years.. I mean.. I can't stop staring at her, when she's around a feeling of being high and tipsy invades the core of my heart penetrating and expanding to the periphery of my limbs.. I think about her day and night; she never leaves my mind, she's always there; mentally if not physically. It's just incomprehensible. She's my one stable force, my one stability in a world filled with chaos and I desperately needed that in my life.. I'm even okay with the gross stuff about her.. she makes the lady inside me float on the surface.. for fuck's sake.. I'm literally always stressed for no reason.. but she calms my soul and scares the shit out of me simultaneously.. a contradiction that somehow balances..
When I see her, it's as if space and time become the finest point imaginable, as if time collapses into one tiny speck and explodes at light speed. It's as if my universe begins and ends with her. I could run forever, search forever, but in the end, every path leads right back to her heart and soul. I have no idea what I should do right now.. I can only see me breaking my own heart by pushing her away..
Leila's POV:
Ugh.. what was I expecting.. I should have seen this coming.. why would I drag a beautiful straight successful girl into something she's not even attracted to.. i should have left the moment i started developing feelings for her..
"I understand Manar, but i don't know if i can stay around you anymore.." I typed with huge grief..
How am I supposed to get her out of my head now that I'm drowning.. she's metastasized throughout my soul that I'm no longer mine.. she has created someone that can only breathe when she's around .. and without her.. I'M LOST..
"It's not your fault Manar, it's just.. I need some time to move on.. It's nothing really.. we're still good friends don't worry"
I typed with hurry as I was wiping my tears.. and there ladies and gentlemen would be me breaking my own heart..
"I'm sorry it had to go this way Leila.. you're a wonderful young lady but I just..." she typed
"Manar, no one can control this.. you cannot force yourself into something you don't like.. you're straight and I respect that" at that very moment, I closed my eyes and her smell that I memorize very well lingered there for a while as I was trying to absorb that I've just been rejected..
The same usual question came in knocking real hard while the tears found their way down my cheeks.. IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME???
Why do I have to get rejected by literally everyone I love..
Am I not good enough? Am I ugly? Am I annoying?
Why do I always fail to affect people just enough?
With no further notice I found my mom storming into the room with one hell of a smack that might have broken the poor door, her face looks as if she's been mummified on the 'I'm here to kill you' mode for a while..
"Where have you been Leila???" She yelled
"Out.." I replied faintly..
"Do you think that I'm not aware of what's going on?" She said in disgruntled tone of voice
"Uhmmm??" I hummed sadly and impatiently
"I know something is up with that Manar girl, what happened??? Have you slept with each other already?? I'm so ashamed of you! And I liter.."
"Shush! Shush shush!!! .... I'm just.. shocked! First of all you need to chill, she's straight" I interrupted.
She eyed me as if she can't stand talking about it at all with that full of disappointment face of hers then she added:
"I don't really care what she is, but I'm your mother and I can feel what's going on." She raged,
"Then please feel.." I said calmly..
"I lost hope in you long ago, but here's the thing: you're grounded and there's no mobile phone anymore, nor a laptop of course.. you're not allowed to surf the internet unless I allow it, and undoubtedly NO MANAR." And she scrammed..
I closed my eyes for a minute trying to split up from reality before realizing that an invasive feeling of weakness is conquering my body... and I no longer could feel time.. and I no longer could grasp; but passively... I CAVED.
Hellowwwww there I AM BAAAAAACCCCCKKKK ❤️❤️❤️ I've missed writing so much you have no idea.. ❤️❤️❤️ I don't like to leave things without closure.. I hope you enjoy ✌🏻
NOTE: I'd like to thank Dodie Clark for her her amazing face that is only fitting for Leila's role ❤️
YOU ARE READING
And so you are left soulless
Romance"Nighttime had always been the time when the demons residing within me came out to play. But, that day was different, that day my angels decided to shield me from the darkness, pain and agony. My heart didn't throb; my soul became a bird in the sky...
