Hello, my name is Bailey and I am a twelve year old 7th grader. I'm not very creative, I could be considered intelligent, and I'm not athletic AT ALL. I'm pretty normal I guess.
Or at least, that's what people think.
I have everyone fooled. No one would guess. My friends would be surprised to know that I don't think like they do. I'm different. A lot different.
You see, I was always really skinny. I was considered pretty tall. I was pretty. Up until this year. Over the summer, I basically sat on my ass all day, eating and reading fanfictions. All day. ALLLLLLLLLL day. So obviously, I got chubby - I don't like the word 'fat'- and I gained a lot of weight. A LOOOOOOT. Like, in September, I went for a late doctor's visit-like, really late, my birthday's in May- and it turned out I went from 93 lbs- last May- to 127 lbs. That is a difference of 34 lbs. I gained 34 lbs in a little over a month. My physician told me that -basically- I needed to lose around 7 lbs. You know what my mom did?
She laughed. Laughed.
She was making jokes for the whole rest of the visit and thus embarrassing the living shit out of me. It was even worse in the car ride home. When she kept making more fat jokes. That's when I knew she wasn't doing it just to make the doctors laugh.
That hurt.
So I considered maybe going on a "diet". Kids my age nowadays consider a "diet" to be fasting. So I tried it. I didn't last two days. I told my friend and she suggested we become "fruititarians" as she liked to call it. Where we would only eat fruit (because neither of us really like veggies, except I love carrots and that has nothing to do with a certain Doncaster boy ;)). Again, we didn't last two days. Sad, but true.
But before all that, like the doctor's appointment and stuff, I hadn't really noticed my weight gain. That is, until I tried to greet this guy that I'd known since the fifth grade. When I said, "Good morning," he'd said,
"Who are you? I don't even know you.Wait, is that Bailey? Wow Bailey, you're like mad fat. You gained a lot of weight over the summer." Mind you, he asked me out in fifth, when I was thin.
GIANT. WAKE UP. CALL.
I actually -stupid, I know- tried "dieting" again.
I didn't last two days.
Combine that with this "whore" in my class always bragging about being so skinny and pretty and confident, my "step dad"'s fat jokes, and society's definition of "beautiful" and you get a young girl thinking things she definitely shouldn't be thinking.
A couple hours ago, I did something really bad. Something I'm ashamed of. NO, I did not self harm in any way. I did one of those 'eating binge' things. Yes, I know it's unsafe and I shouldn't do it but I though... well, actually I wasn't really thinking.
A/n: Hi, so this is what my life has come to. Yay. But please, I did not start this to get hated on. I did it to get my feelings off of my chest and not feel so caged in. Whatever, you can tell me I'm too young to be thinking these things, I've heard ita all before. It didn't make a difference then. :/
Have a good night.
