The press conference

Chapter 10: Take it as a compliment

"Okay Harry, let's start with you, have ya got your shot ready? Yeah? Alright, why did you ignore all of us after we went on Hiatus?"

Harry was shifting uncomfortably in his seat and tried to avoid the glances the others were throwing at him. He knew that he couldn't chicken out of this question and just take the shot, everyone including himself genuinely wanted to know the answer.

He started playing with the hem of his shirt while trying to gather his thoughts, he wanted to be honest but he also didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, not even Louis'.

"First of all, I wanna say that I'm sorry, I really am. I shouldn't have taken my frustration out on all of you when you were never the problem. I was the problem and yeah maybe Syco but let's forget about these dicks for a moment, right?"

Niall chuckled and toasted into his direction.

"I guess I was so focused on One Direction, so thrilled to make it work, that it completely ate me up while we were still in the band. So, when Syco suggested the Hiatus I fell into this hole of not knowing who I was outside of One Direction, I knew that I had to become someone and make my own decisions for the first time in 5 years and I was so scared. I was scared that people would realize that I wasn't actually worth their time and that I would end up alone, because I didn't know whether I would survive being alone and facing myself and my thoughts. All of this just got worse when we actually started the Hiatus, I had nothing to do, I realized that I didn't even have a hobby that I actually enjoyed, I didn't have any friends that I didn't know through One Direction and so I decided to become my own human being, someone worth more than just a brand name. I was severely depressed for a while until I decided to cut ties with everything and everyone. I took some time 'cause I've ran out of energy of playing someone I heard I'm supposed to be. I moved back in with my mum and like started finding things that I actually enjoyed doing and yeah, I'm sorry that I pushed you away along the way. It was never your fault", Harry ended his little monologue and he felt a tear running down his face. When he looked up, he saw that the others had tears in their eyes as well. Niall was basically full on sobbing at this point.

"I'm so sorry that you felt that way and that we didn't see it, you could've talked to us", Niall said sniffling and patted Harry's shoulder awkwardly.

"The thing is that I didn't know it back then, I didn't know how much I held myself back. I didn't know who I was, but I do now."

"I get the feeling of only functioning for the job, you know, I felt that way too. I also felt like everyone just liked me because of One Direction as a brand, I felt so invisible", sighed Liam and put his head on Zayn's shoulder. Zayn absently started petting his hair and Liam visibly relaxed into his touch.

Louis was awfully quiet during all of this but Harry tried to push the thought away, it wasn't his business anymore anyways.

After they all calmed down and dried their tears it was Louis' turn to play.

"Haz, how bout you ask something?" suggested Niall and Harry loved and hated him for it.

"Uhm, yeah sure, uhm let me think of something."

Harry was full on panicking inside. He didn't want to make it too obvious how hurt he still was but he did have some questions he needed an answer to or he couldn't find peace with the whole situation. He sighed and decided that if he wanted to heal, he had to start the process himself. Meaning no more running from his issues.

"When and why did you get with Eleanor?"

Dead silence. Just like 10 years ago.

Harry could see Louis gulp visibly and the other three were looking as if they had been caught being loud in class.

"Uhm, alright, not getting around this one, right?" Louis joked and Harry knew that he was trying to lighten up the mood like he always did but this was serious, not only for him but for the sake of the band.

When Louis realized that joking wouldn't get him anywhere, he sighed and took a deep breath.

"So, after you left I kinda fell into a hole as well. I think we all did. And I couldn't leave the house for like a month, I didn't talk to anyone, not even my family and I completely lost my mind but just kept going. One day I went to the supermarket hoping that I wouldn't see anyone so I wouldn't have to explain what the fuck was going on with me. I was so scared that someone would ask about you, because I was sure that I would break if I heard anyone say your name, ya know. And in the supermarket I bumped into El and at first I was like shit she'll ask questions and shit but she didn't, she pretended as if nothing was wrong and made jokes about like the fact that they raised the prizes for broccoli and I don't know after a month of being caught in my hole I felt sort of alive again for the first time. She asked if I wanted to hang out sometime and I said yes because I knew that I didn't have to explain anything to her and that she wouldn't ask any questions. The first year and a half we were just mates hanging out an awful lot because I didn't really talk to any of my other friends or my family because I knew that they would ask about the band and you and I swear to god, I didn't even think about hooking up with her. I also never thought about hooking up with her while she was my beard by the way, if that helps. Then one night in 2017 we went out and got really, really drunk and I don't know it just kinda happened. We were spending most of our time together anyways and yeah we just added that part and never stopped doing it. Yeah, uhm, that's it."

Louis had looked at his hands, avoiding Harry's eyes during his entire speech but Harry could still see the tears in his eyes. And he felt the tears in his own eyes as well.

Harry had asked himself over and over again over the past few years whether Louis had moved on, fell in love with someone new and hearing everything from Louis himself almost broke his heart but Harry knew how Louis looked like when he was in love, crazy madly deeply in love and that wasn't it.

In this moment Harry knew that there was hope. He knew that he wanted Louis back and not Eleanor nor his inner demons would keep him from that. It was time to come up with a plan, but he knew that the first step was to become friends with Louis again. Just like last time.

"I forgive you."