League of Legends BTS - LND2020 (Judging)

→JUNG HOSEOK - Feedbacks

[Nunu]

1. Fate - y00_ngi 

Judge #1

Title: [0.5/2]

Cover: [1/3]

Description: [1.5/4]

Hook: [1.5/5]

Unique: [1/5]

Flow: [4/5]

Delivery: [2/5]

Pacing: [1.5/5]

Sequence of Events: [5/5]

Writing Style: [8/10]

Reader EI: [4/10]

Characters EI: [7/10]

Character Dev: [5/10]

Logic: [4/10]

Grammar: [8.5/10]

Vocab: [8.5/10]

Overall: [4/10]

Satisfaction: [2.5/5]

Total: [69.5/124]

Review

-The cover lacks the common elements: The title of the book and the name of the author. The image as well doesn't match the concept of the book and isn't catchy. 

-The description is nice as a summary for the book, but it is plain. 

-The book seemed empty for me. The events are repeated in most of the books which speak about an idol meeting a fan and falling in love. I couldn't find any uniqueness in it. 

-The events were rushed, and I couldn't feel the connection between the characters. 

-You tend to switch POVs in the middle of the chapter. It is fine to do that, but after I read it, I ask myself why the author added that. For example, chapter Rain, you changed the second POV to Hoseok's POV. Try reading it again, you will find that it can be emitted out, and nothing would have changed. On the contrary, adding Hoseok's POV in the middle interrupted my thoughts. 

-I didn't notice any mistakes except in chapter Rain: Eat your medicine [should be] take your medicine. 

-You rushed the ending. Because the end was already predictable, it was fine, but if this was a book with a strong plot, it would've been very confusing. 

-Your writing style is quite nice and your grammar as well. I advise you to think about a nice idea and write it down. You don't need to have an original idea, but at least, you should add events of your own instead of the typical ones.