Why me?

The Relapse

Steve in front as we went down, walking backwards, holding both my hands. Bucky behind me, arms either side of my hips ready to catch me if necessary. I did stumble a few times and blushed as Bucky's hands cupped my hips, but I got down the stairs and headed to the gym, already more confident in walking.

In the next two hours, working with Steve and Bucky, I managed to work it to a run. I struggled a little, the joints resisting a little (I made a mental note to tell Tony this) but it felt amazing to move by myself. I only stopped when my head began throbbing again and I began to feel lightheaded. It struck me that I hadn't eaten for a good few hours, what with all the excitement. "Hey, guys, can we go and eat now?"

"Yeah, sure, you done for today?" Steve asked, ceasing his punching and unwrapping the tape from around his knuckles.

"Definitely." I felt the familiar knot of anxiety settling in my stomach, though I had no reason for it now. "Can I make something I used to make with my grandma?"

"Sure," Bucky agreed, though he was looking at me sceptically; I hadn't realised I was pulling my sleeves down again. Inconspicuously, I pushed my sleeves up, to just above my elbows, just to prove to Bucky everything was alright. To Steve, however, it looked like I was just pushing my sleeves up. Bucky nodded and we went back upstairs – in the elevator this time – and I showed them the pasta recipe I used to make with Annie.

It was so popular among the team, that I was put on the cooking rota and now had to make it once every other week.

I trained for a couple of hours with Bucky and Steve and occasionally the others every day for a few weeks, life falling into an easy stride in the tower until that steady pace stuttered and fell. Something happened one morning, and I couldn't quite place it at the time, made me feel unnerved around everyone.

I went back to my room, asked JARVIS to lock the doors – which he willingly obliged to do – Tony must have already sorted the voice commands – then headed into my bathroom. I was shaking uncontrollably by this point out of anger or anxiety I couldn't be sure. Making Annie's pasta was a mistake; it reminded me too much of her and I had to fight too hard to not breakdown at the table. The little bag in my bathroom cupboard with the blade and band-aids was calling out to me, but Bucky's words echoed around in my head. 'No matter how small you see it as, come and find me.' I sighed in defeat and fell against the side of the bathtub.

"JARVIS, can you get BUCKY in here. Tell him he knows what's happening and it's urgent."

"Of course, Miss Peterson. May I suggest calling Mr Rogers, too?"

"NO! Only Bucky."

"As you wish."

BUCKY

"Mr Barnes, Miss Peterson requires you. She wished for me to tell you that you should know what is happening and it's urgent, sir." JARVIS's voice echoed around the common room, and everyone went silent, listening to him.

"Shit," I muttered. I'd ignored her before, and it had gone downhill too quickly. I pushed myself away from the table and ran down the corridor. If this was what I thought it was, it couldn't wait.

Footsteps were coming behind me, and I stopped. It was Steve; of course, it was. "Steve, seriously. Not now. Let me deal with this one. I'll call you if I need you, but leave this one to me and don't ask her about it, OK?" I urged, walking backwards to keep moving towards Jess.

"Ok, I trust you, Buck. Let me know if you need me." I was surprised with his remark but didn't argue, just continued running down the corridor and pelted up the four flights of stairs, taking them three at a time.

"JARVIS open a com line to Jess." I nearly screamed. Why on earth did she take the room on the top floor!

"Communications open, sir."

"Jess, talk to me, I'm on my way, what's goin' on?"

"Bucky, I can't do this anymore!" She was crying, in hysterics now. "I've lost everything, I can't do this!"