Why me?

The Falcon

"I've lost everything, I can't do this!"

"Jess, yes you can. We're all here, I'm here. You don't have to do this alone." I took a deep breath; I'd had this conversation before, with Steve before the war, just before I left, and he was getting all fussy about me going. "I'm with you to the end of the line, just – just hold on a little longer, I'm nearly there!"

"No! Why should I hold on any longer!"

"Because you matter. You are not a life worth losing!" I yelled, pushing the door open at the end of her corridor. Jess stayed silent for a moment, taking in what I'd said, then sighed in defeat.

Jess POV

"JARVIS unlock my door," I muttered, giving in and heading back through to my room. I collapsed on my bed in defeat but forgot Bucky was still able to hear me. "Where are you?" I asked.

"I'm at the end of your corridor, what about you?" He replied, slight concern littering his tone.

"I'm lay on my bed. My bathroom door is shut, and I can't see anything tempting." A thought came to me as I lay down, waiting for Bucky. "Can someone call Sam Wilson? He was my therapist for a while after the accident. I'd really like to talk to him again."

My door opened and Bucky walked in. He looked panicked but relieved to find me unharmed on my bed. "Sam Wilson? Black, ex-military?" He inquired. I nodded. "He's one of us. He's an Avenger now, the Falcon. But, sure, we can get him down here if you need him."

Bucky left me alone to talk to Sam on the phone.

"Kid, what's goin' on?" The way he called me 'kid' was somehow comforting. I hadn't heard his voice for almost three years now, and it was all I needed to snap me out of my mindset

"To be honest, Sam, a hell of a lot. Can you get down to the Avengers compound?" I explained.

"Yeah, I can. Why are you there?"

"Long story, I'll explain when you get here, but to give you the information you need right now, I started self-harming, a few months ago, and I'm floundering in the pits of relapsing again." It sounded so blunt saying it out loud, but Sam had heard me say worse.

"Ok, listen to me now, Jess. I need you to do one thing for me, and I'll be over as soon as I can."

"OK."

"Go and find someone, Bucky, Steve, Clint, Tony, Natasha anyone who's around and available to give you their full attention. Tell them you're not feeling great, talk to them and don't let them ignore you. If one does, try another. I'm gonna call Steve and tell him to come and find you, even if you're with someone else. I'm gonna be a couple of hours, I'm upstate, but I'm leaving now." His voice changed whenever he was dealing with someone, more professional, so difficult to ignore.

"OK."

"Good. I'll see you soon, kid. Alive and unharmed – understand? That is non-negotiable."

"OK, Sam. I understand. Thanks."

"No problem, kid. I'll see you soon."

"Bye." He hung up, and I sat on my bed, not quite sure who to go and find. "Hey, JARVIS, is anyone not busy?"

"Mr Stark, Mr Rogers and Mr Barton are currently unoccupied. I would recommend speaking to Mr Barton, if you must choose, though. Mr Stark and Mr Rogers are currently together."

"Thanks, JARVIS. Where is he?" Clint was Ok. I could manage Clint.