Greyson's Obsession

Chapter 3

Greyson

And just like that, he's "...out of my life..."
MJ's heartbroken number conveniently cued on my playlist. Its lyrics crash on my skin like the ocean and gives me a much-needed bath.

But I was still dirty and I knew it. And I gave up on that fact.

Fuck! I had to admit like MJ, I felt the same way. Is this really what heartbreak feels like?! Then, I should've checked into MJ's "Heartbreak Hotel" for eternity while I'm at it. I didn't want to stay at Whitney Houston's for sure.

I sighed internally, in a brief reflection. I've broken so many hearts that it was a shame that I've not be caught and reprimanded for my actions. Too bad, being a heartbreaker was not in the context of parental control and the law. I mused, my thoughts consumed me becoming nothing more than a mental death to me though I was trying to rationalize.

Of course, I knew I was no good. Amy Winehouse said so of herself too, I agree because I was just like that. No good to anyone at all!

I was notorious and just didn't have a reputation for it. That didn't matter. I was about to add one more broken heart if I let that guy in. I would touch him with my tainted love and destroy him. I'd poison him, kill him even.

And speaking of killing him, I was already premeditating his murder that I could've committed today if I'd been a bit more inconspicuous. I'd imagine I would've scaled the fence, hold him against his will and..., and... damn it! I'd mount him on his car for all the world to see. That would make a sensation for the media to capture. I'd deal with the consequences later.

I was stuck on making him mine. On that note, my playlist shifted to a track from Janet Jackson's Control album. Her high pitched voice slithered through funky unconventional beats and an almost unrecognizable base as background vocalists chanted: "You could be mine!"

The words fueled me and my unbridled desire for the guy. Taking those words as my own, I wrapped them around my heart and warped them into my subconscious. With the guy in my sights, I looked at those words like a promise ring around my finger. And for the first time in my life, I made a promise to myself, that, he would be mine!

Until then, I was poking around like a lovesick puppy hoping he'd take me home and make me his pet. My heartstrings tugged at me. I just wanted to feel him and hold him. Breathe in his scent and kiss him and..., and... I couldn't. Not right now...

After he was sure he got enough distance between me and he, he lingered a bit at the security post. He felt safer with the guard for the time being but he had to leave his company sooner or later. Then he had to tangle with me again. He wasn't ready to face me. He still looked flustered with his back to me and his head down, obviously diverting his attention from me. By the semblance of his gestures, he was generally ensuring the immaculate appearance of his suit. He even fiddled with his belongings. Aware of his presence, the guard already got to unlocking the gate for him to exit. The guy got out of the lot, and stopped outside through the cracked gate. The guard was engaging him, trying to calm him down. Those attempts were no good if you asked me. My effect worked on him. I just needed to reel him in, carefully because I didn't want to scare him off. I had to handle him with care.

I was grateful when he looked at me feeling sorry nonetheless. He was psyched out by me no doubt. He was conscious, realizing my gaze wouldn't relent off of him. I saw the timidity in his eyes and palpably held it in the palm of my hand. I wanted to take it away from him. I wanted him not to be afraid of me.

I gave myself over at the moment. Before he left my sight for good today I had every bit of him etched in my memory. My gaze pinned him down as if I had him on the fence. I imagined doing everything under the sun to pleasure him.