Adore You

Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The next morning, I am still laying there awake when I hear Tommy start to stir. I get up and move to the crib and say "There's my boy." and he smiles at me. I pick him up and change his diaper before heading to the kitchen. I see Jax at the stove and Abel at the table. "Morning Mommy" Abel says as I lean over and kiss the top of his head and then I put Thomas in his high chair. "Morning babe." Jax says "Morning." I say simply. "Are you mad at Daddy?" Abel asks. "No baby. Your sister kept me awake last night so I'm tired." I tell him and he kisses my stomach. "Morning Maci Jane." Abel says and she starts kicking. I put his hand on my stomach and say "She's saying good morning." and his little face lights up. "Can I feel?" Jax asks. I turn a little and put his hand on my stomach and she kicks him. He looks at me and I see nothing but love in his eyes but then I remember that I'm mad at him and remove his hand. "Sit down Monster and I'll bring your plate." Jax says and he does what his dad tells him to. "Sit down babe. I'll bring yours too." he tells me and I say "I can fix mine." before heading to the stove and he stops me. "Let me do this. Please." he says and I nod before sitting at the table with the boys.

I don't say much during breakfast and I go to start cleaning the kitchen. "What's the plan for today?" he asks. "I have to look for baby furniture and have to see the doctor. Can you watch the boys?" I ask. "We can go with you. Let the boys see their sister." he tells me and I look at him for a second and sign. "Fine." I say softly. "I'll go get dressed." I say.

We walk out of the house and I give him the address after we get the boys loaded into the truck. We head into the office and I Jax is holding Thomas while Abel plays at the table nearby. They call my name and we all stand to head inside. They do my measurements and ask some questions before she says "Let's see how little miss is doing." before pulling the ultrasound machine over. She moves the wand on my stomach and Abel is holding my hand while Jax is over to the other side. We hear the heartbeat and Abel asks "What's that?" The doctor smiles and says "That's your sister's heartbeat." and he smiles. She moves the wand around more and we see the baby. Abel says "Maci Jane." and we all smile. I chance a look at Jax and see his eyes are glistening and I have to look away.

After the appointment, we head out to look at furniture and I see a few things I like. "What about this bed?" Jax asks. "I like that one but this one is a three in one." I say. "What's that?" he asks. "It means, it goes from a crib to a toddler bed to a twin size bed." I tell him and he nods. "This one will last longer and be cheaper in the long run." I tell him and he nods. "That one it is then." he tells me. After shopping and getting things set up to be delivered the next day, we head home. We feed the kids and put them to bed and he heads to the living room and I head out to the back deck again.

Sitting on the steps, I hear the back door open and he sits down beside me and I quickly wipe my eyes. "Are you okay babe?" he asks. "Don't call me that." I say softly. "Sorry. But are you okay?" he asks. "No Jax. I'm not. I finally got myself to a good place with me and the boys and our little girl and then, we get here and you're here. You're alive Jax. I cried for you. I grieved for you. When I found out that I was pregnant, it started all over again. I missed you so fucking much. I loved you. But when I saw those two pink lines I hated you. I hated you because you didn't love us enough to stick around. We weren't enough to keep you here. The only thing that kept me from ending shit was our kids. They'd already lost Tara and then you, I couldn't make them go through that again. Why didn't you tell me what you were doing?" I ask softly. "Babe, listen to me." he says as he moves to kneel on the step in front of me. Cupping my face he says "I couldn't tell you. Everyone had to believe I was dead and that meant they had to see you mourning me. I am so sorry baby. Please forgive me." he pleads. "I can't." I whisper before getting up and heading into Thomas' room. I lay down on the futon and sob.