The Fourth Piper: Extras

Chapter One: Deal

What is this, you ask? This, my friends, is the original chapter of a story I called "Piper". Yes, that's right. Watch me cringe as I share this gold, supreme piece of literature xDD

My commentary will be in bold.

The cliff that the cloaked stranger was standing on was steep and jagged, a tower of rock that cascaded with rusty red and brown layers between the grays. The man let the brisk wind billow through the cloth, chilling him to the bone but somehow making him feel alive. The stranger cut a noble figure, alone on the isolated peak, surrounded by soaring clouds. He liked to come to the mountainous clearing to think, to clear his mind, to—

"Do you come here often?" (wait, clichés? who would have guessed even those would be here)

The cloaked figure jumped at the young voice, but didn't bother to notice the speaker as he replied, "Obviously more than you."

He smirked smugly beneath his hooded cloth as he heard the silence. (can we just..."CLOTH" and "SMIRKED SMUGLY")

"I only came to think. It's peaceful here." The absurdly feminine voice (ah yes, Shade, because only guys would be here) broke the temporary moment, and the smirk contorted into an agitated frown.

"So did I," The stranger said, gritting his teeth, "Alone." (as you can see, I knew a lot about dialogue rules. And structure. I was an adept writer. This was my prime, my peak. I will never be this good again)

Another spurt of nothing.

"I was only—"

The figure whirled around and faced the speaker of the nuisance. He blinked under his hood in surprise.

"You're a...lady." (WHAT?????!!!!!!!)

"What of it?" She folded her arms and looked at him accusingly, looking more like a girl than a young lady.

"Women don't usually climb up cliffs alone." The stranger said forcefully. (right of course you're absolutely right let me just...*jumps off cliff*)

"Here I am." The nuisance answered matter-of-factly, staring accusingly at the stranger before her. In the shadow of his face, there seemed to be a scowl within the creases of the cloak.

The girl was tall and lean, raven black hair practically spilling down her slender back. Her piercing and exotic cobalt-blue eyes gazed back at the stranger with an intensity he had never known.

"Why is your face covered, stranger?" She asked curiously and slowly, her bell-like voice tinged with mystery.

"No one likes what's underneath." The figure replied simply. (Marian: ugly???)

"Can I at least have a name?"

"No one likes that, either." He said darkly. (THIS IS MY FAVORITE PART LOLLLL)

"Well, I am Marian."

"If you expect me to give you my name in return, then you're mistaken." His voice hardened, refusing to say anything more.

"Fine. I'll call you Shade." She consented. A choking sound emitted from the figure—a strangled laugh, perhaps?

"Fitting enough." The smirk came back in a hurry,

"I'll...leave you to think now...Shade." Leaves crunched underneath her feet as the lady Marian left. (this part xDDD)

No answer. The mysterious stranger had turned back around and stood stoically in his spot, acting like the girl didn't intrigue him in the least bit.