Hey There!

hehe..

I don't even know why im writing this. The grammar is going to be shit and this will he full of 1am thoughts, cuz I'm  a 1am kinda thot.

Ok. So, we're doing this, yes? Good great?!

I've wanted to cry, but also not. Like all day. I have paper cuts on my fingers that I press on when Im nervous (lmao, I'm always nervous) so they're probably gonna scar. That'll be pretty.

I kinda wanna cry?? This isolation school shit is going to make me fail. I can't go to talk to anyone, my socializing for the day is gone. My siblings are driving my to anxiety attacks where I just sit alone on the bathroom floor and cry wile banging my head on a wall.

This sucks and I want to explode and disappear.

My math work won't send in l, so ik definitely failing that, lmao. I didn't get into the high school I wanted, so I'll just pretend that's not slowly killing my mental health.

I'm not even gonna complain that it's not fair because I'm one in a crowd of millions. Like, 80% of the population deals with the same shit. I just need to let it all out.

Shit, ha! Now I feel like an attention whore. That was a change of pace. You should probably leave. Uh, don't feel sorry for me, I just find it's worse when I bottle th8s kinda stuff up to a point of panic attacks, so this thing kinda happened.

This is not a diary, that's for starters.

I miss my old friends. I think I have trust issues, but I don't know why.

Do any of you know that looming sense of dread? The kind that follows you around for no reason?

It's like, 1:53 am and I'm not tired. Of course I'm not. At least it's Friday- Saturday? I don't even know at this point. My head is spinning. But I'm nervous to the point it's all becoming numb? Like, I can't feel.

I kinda feel like... Static? Just not there. I can't listen to music, or anything'cuz my siblings are asleep. That's why I'm not crying. What if I just, like, — I don't even know

I wanna repeat a grade to do better, but that would make me look stupid. I want to ask my teachers how to function this stupid crap, but I get this hole in my stomach every time I think about it.

My head hurts. I think I'm supposed to be tired. I don't have my melatonin with me, so screw sleep anyway, right?

This is probably a waste of time. I don't t hink im brave enough to post it, but I'll try. It's too early. My glasses keep sliding off my face.

(Lmao, I think I'm literally kul, but actually powerless)

Sleep doesn't sound to bad. I put my head down, then my eyes shot open. It's to light and I keep waking up at 5 in the morning even though I can wake up at 8.

Internal alarm crap.

On a plus note, my neck and hands have not been scratched for the past two days. YAY!

Wow. I have to cheer about not inflicting pain on myself. It's fine, lol.

I'm sure these ate just, wow, 2:01 am thots.

Happy time! (I hope)