if you love me, don't let go

To Be Known

A/N: so these two finally start sorting out some of their shit in this chapter. Magna has Issues™ and Yumiko is still very hurt but they love each other enough to make it work. They just need to work on their communication.

. . .

"To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us."

― Timothy Keller, The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God

. . .

Magna's skin itched, trapped inside the filthy clothes she'd been wearing for what had to be four days now - though time had been hard to keep track of when they'd still been in the cave, nothing but darkness and more darkness. She'd seen light when the others had disappeared out of the opening, but she didn't know whether that meant it was the same day they'd ended up trapped inside, or if night had come and gone beyond their sight. The not knowing had itched at her every bit as relentlessly as her clothes did now - not knowing how long she'd been away from Miko, completely ignorant to the multitude of horrors that could have already struck during that time; what hardships she could be enduring whilst Magna was stuck miles away, unable to do a thing. To get to her.

Things could turn sideways in an instant. Safety and survival were never assured, never something to be counted on. Magna had learnt that even before the world went to hell and it was a truth that had only become more concrete in the decade since.

And yet it was a truth she'd forgotten that day she'd set out from Hilltop without a goodbye, not even looking back for one last glimpse of the only person she'd ever allowed herself to fully love since her cousin.

She'd just . . . walked away.

Frustrated with herself, Magna pulled at the collar of her shirt - the thing almost seemed intent to strangle her; like it, too, stood in harsh judgment of her actions.

There was a stream nearby that Miko had helped her use to wash the blood and decay off her skin but there'd been no helping the state of her clothes, and nothing else to change into - in this moment, she missed the familiar embrace of her long coat; the thing was probably little more than a pile of ash by now . . .

So besides feeling wildly uncomfortable, Magna knew she also had to stink, mostly because she could smell it.

She would have felt self-conscious about the fact if the two of them hadn't already held each other through worse states.

Still, she regretted adding yet another item to the list of reasons Miko had to find fault in her.

She had yet to complain about it, though. But, then, Miko rarely complained about anything. She endured everything with a grace that was almost frustrating.

- Miko's voice trembling with barely suppressed fury, Magna's body jolting with the yell and following crack -

She shifted and the hand in her hair moved down momentarily to stroke the side of her forehead, a soothing hum reverberating in the chest above her.

Magna closed her eyes and inhaled.

Miko broke the silence.

"I missed you," she commented, so easily, like she wasn't tearing at Magna's heart with each word.