Strangers▪ Matei Covaci imagine

Eleven

Sitting on the wooden bench in the garden, my bare feet sinking into the cool grass, I think back to how I ended up here. Two hours ago I was upstairs, gazing at my reflection in the mirror and persuading myself that I could make it through the night. Turns out I couldn't.

As soon as I arrived at the party I felt an overwhelming sense of fear and regret. Without even setting foot inside Charlie's house I could feel the music tearing through me and pounding at my head. The sharp odours of alcohol, cigarette smoke, and at least thirty sweaty teenagers wafted out the front door, along with the sound of drunken shrieks.  I picked up snippets of conversation between unfamiliar voices, and once I had I couldn't get them out of my head. They encircled me, amplifying the pain in my skull. My heart pounded frantically in my chest, to the point where I could feel my eyes yellow from pure fear. It was more than enough to make me turn around, retreating down the street and into the shadows, not once looking back.

I feel sick. Not because of the stench of alcohol which still clings to my body, but because I finally realise what Matei had meant. As much as I try to be like them, I can't. Because I'm not them. I'm not human. As wolfbloods, we are meant to sink into the shadows, go through life unnoticed.

It wasn't an insult. It was a warning.

I pull my zip hoodie closer to my body as the breeze picks up, hugging my knees to my chest. As soon as I got home I kicked off my white trainers, grabbed a hoodie and a snack before stepping out into the silent suburb garden which is the closest thing I have to nature. The city is sleeping, the only noise coming from the wind weaving through the trees and grass. I close my eyes and I'm back in the wild. It seems to be the only thing that can calm me down anymore. I instinctively run my fingers over the pendant of a crescent moon hanging around my neck. The stone is cool to the touch and helps to soothe my busy mind. I wish I knew my grandmother.

I check the time on my phone: 10:35 pm. My parents will be back soon from one of their many company dinners. What do they talk about for that long? More importantly, how do they last that long without arguing? Maybe they don't. As I saunter into the living room I smile at the image of my parents screaming at each other over a table of lobster and rare steak, their co-workers looking on in bewilderment. I wouldn't be surprised.

I go to draw the curtains, but before I have the chance something catches my eye. Across the street, a front door opens, spilling warm light into the dimly lit street. It's Matei, wearing black jeans and a khaki jumper with the sleeves rolled up to the elbow. I watch him walk to the pavement, his scent becoming more and more explicit with every step. He lifts the trash bag he's holding into the bin and turns to leave. The guilty part of my mind is screaming, telling me I need to do something. I need to go over, apologise, tell him he was right. But I'm afraid. What if he still hates me? What if I've messed this up for good? Whatever I choose to do, I need to choose now.

I race into the hallway and put on the first pair of shoes I see. Yanking open the door, I panic when I see he's almost inside. Fortunately, he spots me running unattractively across the road, and turns to face me. As I get closer I notice his expression isn't angry, or even upset. He's looking at me expectantly, his curls and cheekbones illuminated in the street light. It's adorable. 

"Hey, Matei..." I begin shakily, suddenly realising I haven't mentally planned this conversation at all.

"Hey" He replies softly. He's smiling, why is he smiling? What happened to him being angry?

"You look..." He says, taking in my bizarre outfit. He pauses when his gaze reaches my feet. "...cold."

He's right, I'm freezing. I look down and notice I put on a mismatching pair of flip-flops. 

"Yeah," I say with a laugh "I was...I wanted to catch you before you went inside, so..." I motion to my feet, which feel like they're slowly turning into ice. 

"Oh, did you want something?" He asks. 

Yes. Yes, I do but my brain's a piece of shit and can't use words.

"I didn't go." I manage to blurt out, "The party, I mean. I didn't go."

I sense the relief in his reaction. Has he been thinking about it?

"Why not?" He asks.

Say it. Say it you moron. Tell him why you didn't go.

"...I just didn't feel like it," I answer, feeling disappointed in myself. Why can't I tell him the truth?

"Oh" Matei nods and smiles, but I can sense his mutual disappointment. Was he hoping it was down to him?

An awkward silence follows, and after a while, Matei turns to leave. I need to tell him the truth.

"Wait!" I take a step towards him, and when he turns around our bodies are barely inches apart. I can even sense his heart beating. It's faster than mine; is he nervous? I notice the ring hanging from a chain on his neck. Grandmother's? Ex-girlfriend's?

"I just wanted to tell you that...you were right. What you said about...me not being like them. You weren't being rude, and I realise that now, and I'm sorry for getting angry at you." 

I finish my ramble and look at him for a response. The disappointment has gone, and instead, his brown eyes are calm and understanding. Once I look into them, I can't tear myself away.

"It's ok, y/n, you don't need to apologise. But I do."

"For what?" I ask, barely above a whisper. I'm still lost in his eyes.

"What I thought about you" He answers, "I thought you were...one of them. Just one of those shallow, self-absorbed types. And I was a dick towards you was because... I hoped that you'd be different. But you are different, y/n, and I know that now."

I can't help but smile at this. Finally, I have an answer to everything. Matei isn't a stranger anymore; he understands who I truly am, and I understand why he behaved the way he did.

"It's ok, Matei. Anyway, I guess I can't blame you for thinking that. I just want to fit in. Isn't that what people like us are supposed to do? Pretend to be someone we're not?"

"Not necessarily." He thinks for a second, then rests his hands on my shoulders, looking directly into my eyes. I wait for the inevitable wave of internal panic, but nothing happens. Instead, I feel nothing but calm, secure. "There's nothing wrong with being a wolfblood, y/n. Just because they can't know the whole truth doesn't mean you can't be yourself."

The certainty of his words evokes something within me. My hands are itching to cup his face, run through his hair, anything to return the feeling of pure comfort, because it feels amazing. Matei looks to his left and drops his hands from my shoulders. I follow his gaze, and immediately my heart plummets. My father's car has just pulled around the corner. 

"You should probably go" I hear Matei say. I look back at him, expecting him to be annoyed. But even now he's smiling down at me, albeit a little sadly. I nod and return the smile before crossing the road, waiting to meet my parents outside the house. By the time I reach the front door and turn back around, Matei is nowhere to be seen.

Author's note

Hey everyone! Hope you enjoyed this one, if you did please vote and comment on what you liked. Another chapter will be up soon!