Before I sleep

1

The sound of waves striking jagged rocks filled her ears. The ocean seemed calm and serene, perfectly still. There was no wind shaking the leaves of the trees behind her, no sound of people laughing or talking. The only movement was the waves. She looked out across the peaceful landscape, observing the tranquillity and cherishing the quiet. Slowly, she edged further to the cliff side. The drop must have been at least 200 feet, a little less than the Golden Gate bridge but much more than the local Riverside bridge.

It was no coincidence that she had decided to visit the cliff instead of the bridge or home. It had to be definite, she refused to take any chances this time. Attempts at home can be risky, in the case that your parents or siblings can walk in and catch you. The moment that you get caught by someone you love your whole life feels like its falling apart. The guilt is overwhelming. However, bridge attempts can be risky too, they are used by the public and they are not as absolute as a cliff. This spot was desolate. Empty, quiet, calm.

Her trembling hands brushed the falling tears that ran down her cheek. The neckline of her dress was sodden wet after hours of standing there in tears. Time had passed by so quickly, she barely noticed, she didn't even feel the aching in her soles and calves. She took a step closer to the edge. The pain in her chest was overwhelming, almost like a bolder pressing against her rib cage and her heart. She felt an urge to fall to the ground and crawl into a ball but she knew she could no longer feel this pain. It was too much. The crying. The heartache. The emptiness. The loneliness. It was all too much.

Another step. She was at the edge now, one more step away. One step and all the pain would disappear. She knew that she had to be brave right now. It was the right thing to do, for herself and for everyone around her. People are overcome with fear these days, she thought to herself, to afraid to do what is right if they have to sacrifice themselves in order to do so. This battle had been a long one; countless nights staring at the bedroom ceiling questioning whether she is being selfish by wanting to die or whether she is selfish for wanting to stay alive. The difficulty getting out of bed each morning and forcing laughter and conversations with the people around her was too much. Each day, the same feeling of exhaustion and anguish engulfed her and made her life feel hopeless.

The sound of the waves seemed to grow louder. It was the only thing that she could focus on, she considered how it may be the last thing she ever hears. It was beautiful, like a song. A song that enchanted her, drew her closer. She wanted to belong to that song, hold it, caress it. It was almost as though there was a siren hidden under the envelopes of the water calling her to join. The thought of joining was irresistible, the proposition of being one with the water. One more step and she could do that, she thought. She picked up her right foot and held it over the cliffs edge. To fall while watching the dancing water interweave with the disfigured rocks; hearing only the sound of the moana would be a pleasure to her. Forever one with the ocean floor.

Distracted by her thoughts, the girl barely noticed the rustling of the leaves behind her. Cautious footsteps followed, treading slowly and softly. As she lowered her right foot and pulled her body forward towards the melody of the waves, she felt a pair of arms wrap around her torso. The appendages held her with a determined strength and threw her backwards away from the edge. She laid sprawled on the ground feeling defeated, not even capable of finding the strength to look at the culprit or make the attempt again. Her eyes closed slowly as she prayed that they would leave her alone and she could finish what she had intended to do.

That wasn't the case