Enter Mary-Jane: The Diary Entries

November 3rd: R.I.P. Madeline Watson

Tuesday, November 3rd: 1:00 am

Diary.

I can't seem to put down in words what has happened today.

She's....

She's dead.

My mother. My beautiful mother.

Diary, I wish you were a real person. I wish you could hold me in your arms and let me cry my pain out. If I could even cry it out. My God. Today is the worst day of my life.

After Gayle moved out, my mother took a turn for the worse. She refused to eat. I'm ashamed to admit that on multiple occasions I had become so frustrated and at a loss of what to do, I would sit down on her tiny lap, jam my thumb and index finger into either side of her jaw to wedge open her mouth then quickly shovel spoonfuls of liquid food inside. But even my shameful desperation wasn't enough to save her.

I came home from school to Uncle Brown's house. The majority of my belongings had already been hauled off to my Aunt Anna's but my bed was the last to go. I remember walking in through the front door and throwing my school books onto the sofa.

"Hellooo?" I called out, a faint smile on my lips. "Mom? Are you home?" Of course she had to be home. Since Gayle left, she never left the house. She didn't have the energy or the willpower.

A chill ran down my spine. Something was off. My heart sank as I rounded the corner of the living room into the dining room. There, hunched over the small round dining room table was my mother's skeletal frame. I sped up my step as beads of sweat formed on my brow.

"Mom?" I walked closer. She was eerily still. "Mom, are you okay?" I reached forward to touch her with my fingertips and I knew she was gone. I should have cried out. I should have cursed the heavens above and cursed my father for abusing us, my sister for abandoning us or even my mother for leaving us all behind but I didn't. I dropped to my knees so hard that they're now black and blue. I ran my hands through my hair and sighed deeply.

"I'm sorry you've had it so rough, mom. I'm sorry I couldn't have made it better for you." I felt the tears brimming on my bottom lashes. "I'm sorry I wasn't good enough to make you stay. I-… I love-…" I began to sway back and forth. Suddenly, I heard heavy footsteps slamming against the floor as my uncle ran towards us. I was so wrapped up in the moment that I hadn't heard him come in.

"Madeline!" He was already sobbing. "What have you done, Mary Jane?!" He wrapped his flabby arms around my mother's emaciated frame and hugged her against his chest. I was already on my feet and the tears that had finally threatened to fall were hungrily sucked back in.

"I found her like this." My voice was hollow, a mere echo of itself.

"Get the hell out of my house!" He bellowed, spittle flying from his lips. "It's your fault! You and Gayle and that piece of shit father of yours! You all killed my sister!! You all did this to her!!!"

I left. I didn't stay a second longer. I immediately hailed a cab and came to my Aunt Anna's. I walked right into her living room without knocking. She greeted me with a smile and asked me how school was. There was a long pause as I mechanically walked through the living room and began to walk up the stairs. Half-way up the stairs, I stopped.

"My mother is dead." I didn't turn my head to look down at her as she stood at the foot of the stairwell, peering up at me but I knew from the audible and horrified gasp what sort of expression her face would hold. Before she could speak I added politely, "Call Gayle, please."

"Mary Jane," She took a couple steps towards me. "Are you alright, sweetheart?"

I felt nothing.

"I'm alright, thanks." I began to walk upstairs. "Let Gayle know. She'll want to know."

Today is the worst day of my life, diary.

Rest in Peace, Madeline Jane Watson.

I Love You.