Ice Age: Collision Course

Chapter One: Gotta Do The Thing

       
Disclaimer: I own nothing except my OC's. Everything belongs to Blue Sky Studios.

The universe...a vast expanse of space and matter. It includes all that we see and all that we know. Since the beginning of time, we've wondered how it came to be. A gloriously orchestrated plan? A chance series of events? Or something much, much...dumber?

        And so it begins...

         Sassy watched Manny play hockey with Peaches from a distance. She enjoyed observing the father and daughter. Peaches had grown so much. It was hard to believe she was going to be married in a few weeks. She laughed to herself as she watched her niece beat Manny at his own game. She was so much more mature than she had been when they'd first come to their new home. Thank God the rage teenage hormones and obsession over boys was over. Sassy cringed just at the thought. That had been a very rough time for not only Manny and Ellie but the entire herd. It didn't help that a deranged monkey with a pirate crew was trying to kill them either.
      Sassy cringed and shook that memory away as she walked through the woods and toward the pleasure pools where the animals went to relax. She was more than happy to never relive any of that escapade ever again. The only good thing that had come out of it was Shira. Sassy smirked and nearly laughed out loud at the thought of Diego's new mate. The day he and Shira had finally announced that they were a couple was one Sassy would never forget in a million years.

(Flashback) Diego came crashing through the forest and emerged in the clearing, panting hard. Sassy and the rest of the herd looked at him like he was crazy.
      "What's got you running for your life?" Sassy asked her best friend.
       "Take a wild guess!" Diego replied and looked behind him in a panic just in time to see the silver sabress leap out of the bushes and tackle the male to the ground.
       "The next time you say males are stronger than females, I'll give you something to remember my strength by!" Shira said and growled down at the golden saber. Sassy's brow arched.
       "He said that?" She glowered at him for a moment and then turned, flicking her tail in the air.
       "Diego could you and your girlfriend have this out somewhere else please? Peaches met another delinquent that she wants to date."
      "Dad! Jullian is not a delinquent!"
      "She's not my girlfriend!" Diego hollered out and Shira's jaw dropped.
      "Oh I'm not huh!?" She smirked evilly and casting a secret look to Sassy, leaned down to his ear and whispered just loud enough for the whole herd to hear. "You sure fooled me last night tiger." Then she pushed off him and went to sit prettily by a smug Sassy, leaving a very flushed, embarrassed and angry Diego on the ground. Diego stood abruptly and marched straight for the female, seeming to gain confidence.
      "If that's how you're going to play it then maybe you should just be my mate for real!" He all but shouted.
      "Maybe I should!" Shira shot back.
      "Fine!"
      "Fine!"
      "..."
      "Um...What just happened?"

     Of course Sassy had taken great pleasure in teasing the saber for weeks afterwards. For all his grief about never wanting to find a mate and never giving into the charms of a female, he sure fell hard fast for Shira. Sassy entered the clearing and saw that many mammals were enjoying the pools today. She looked around and saw the very saber couple that had just been on her mind in one smaller pool that was just big enough and deep enough for the two of them to swim around in a little. Apparently, Diego was teaching his mate how to swim. Sassy chuckled as she watched Shira flounder and go under only for Diego to shoulder her up and lick her cheek comfortingly as the female got more and more frustrated.
      Eventually, Shira seemed to get the hang of it and the two exited the pool as Manny came into the clearing. Shira ran off after something in the bushes and Diego went to join Manny for a drink. Sassy made her way over to them, startling when an antelope cane charging out of the bushes in a panic with a very determined and growling Shira on his hooves.
       "Please don't eat me!" He yelped and Shira roared. Sassy shook her head in amusement and approached the boys.
      "Women." Diego sighed.
      "Women." Manny echoed.
      "Women." The hyrax bartender chimed in in his squeaky voice.
      "Excuse me, what about women?" Sassy asked pointedly, her brow arching quizzically and a dare in her voice. The hyrax eeped and scurried away while Manny and Diego looked at her guiltily.
      "Nothing!" They said in unison.
      "Mmmhmm." Sassy hummed sarcastically. Just then Sid came waddling blindly up to the group, his eyes and nose red and swollen.
      "Hello?"
      "And speaking of weird." Diego said absently and Sassy eyed him warningly.
      "Anybody there! Marco! Polo!" Sid stumbled straight in Manny's backside. "Oh hey Manny! Ew your breath smells awful!"
      "What happened to you?" Diego asked.
      "Oh nothing. Everything's great! Fabulous! Zippidy dippidy!"
       "Lemme guess...she dumped you." Diego said, referring to the insane plan Sid had to propose to his girlfriend of one date.
       "What is wrong with me!?" Sid cried and downed the last of the saber's drink. "Everybody has somebody, and all I've got are my boyish good looks and This mariachi band!" A mariachi band started playing, seeming to appear from nowhere. Sid sobbed and blew his nose in what looked like poison ivy. Sassy rolled her eyes.
      "Sid you're over reacting. There's nothing wrong with you and there is a girl out there for you. You just haven't found her yet. And you're forgetting that you're not the only one in this herd who doesn't have a mate."
       "But I'm not a strong and independent woman like you! I need love!" Sid cried and blew his nose again. Then started scratching it. "Oh so ichy!!" Manny sighed, exasperated.
        "Come on, let's get you cleaned up." He wrapped his trunk around Sid's neck and picked him up. They started to walk away when Shira came bounding up to them.
       "What happened to him? Wait, she dumped him?"
       "Bingo." Sassy said.
       "We're gonna take care of him like the nurse maids that we are." Diego snarked. Shira rolled her eyes and started to follow the boys when Sassy stopped her.
       "Wait Shira! The thing! We forgot the thing!" Shira's eyes widened in horror.
       "Oh shoot the thing!"
        "What thing?" All three males asked in unison.
       "Nothing!" The females yelled and then turned on their tails and ran off. The boys looked at each other.
        "Women."

        "Are you positive he forgot?" Shira asked Sassy as they fled through the woods to put their plan into motion.
       "Believe me, Manny is not a romantic. He wouldn't remember a thing like his wedding anniversary. Plus he's a male." Shira nodded.
       "Yeah ok you got me there." They reached the spot and moved quietly so Ellie and Peaches a few hundred feet away wouldn't hear them. They were busy setting up the surprise party. Sassy moved their bags sulfer, charcoal and potassium nitrate mixed with different colored salts and metals into a makeshift catapult. She made sure the fuses stuck out and they quickly made a small campfire and stuck a torch in. One might ask how a wolf and sabress were so knowledgeable. (Its a story just go with it) "Are we sure this is going to work?" Shira asked her wolf friend. Sassy shrugged.
      "I guess we'll find out." Shira studied Sassy for a moment.
      "You know, I've noticed that you seem to have kind of a strong dislike of men." Sassy looked up at Shira questioningly.
      "Where did this come from? My best friends are males."
      "I just mean in general. Whenever you talk about them, you usually only have negative things to say. Why?" Sassy was quiet for a moment and then sighed.
     "I don't have a good history with men Shira." Her ears perked up and she heard Manny and Diego's voices over Sid's wailing. "I'll tell you about it later. The boys are coming and we need to make sure Ellie's ready." They ran over to warn Ellie and the crowd and then slunk back to be ready to act. Sassy waited by the strings of the catapult and Shira stood huddled in the bushes closer to the party so she could signal Sassy when it was time.
      Ellie shouted out a surprise to Manny while hanging by her tail and the party people cheered for her.
      "Happy anniversary Honey!" She exclaimed and Sassy smiled at Ellie's enthusiasm. And as Sassy had predicted, when they asked what Manny got Ellie, he tried to cover it up and it was revealed that he had forgotten. Shira gave Sassy the signal and Sassy grabbed the torch and lit the fuses then cut the ropes, sending the bags launching into the sky and exploding in a dazzle of light and color. The females ran back to the party to observe the reactions as everyone oohed and ahhed at the fireworks.
       "Awe he didn't forget! That's how big Manny's love is for her!" A mammal said.
       "Nice aim with the fireworks." Manny and Sid said together and started to fistbump when they realized what they'd just said. "Wait you didn't do this? Then who did?" The again asked in unison. Sassy and Shira fistbumped. As Ellie fawned over her gift Diego approached the female predators with a knowing look in his eye.
       "I take it you two are responsible for this." The females both gave him wide eyed, innocent expressions.
      "Who, us?" They asked. Diego chuckled and touched foreheads with Shira.
      "Looking out for us dumb boys like always, huh?" Sassy smirked and stood.
      "I'll leave you two alone." She said and winked at Shira before trotting off to get some food.