Ice Age: Collision Course

Chapter Eight: A Crazy Plan

Sassy and Denali raced to the center of the asteroid where all the animals had gathered in a group to listen to Shangrilama chew out Sid, who had apparently pulled a diamond out of one of the walls which had caused the entire asteroid to collapse. Sassy sighed. Only Sid could accomplish such a feat.
"Now we're all doomed!! Doooooooomed!" Everyone gasped in horror. "And now I think I have a fever! Thank you so much doofus!"
"Hey easy there Llama. This is the doofus of my dreams! He meant well." Brooke defended.
"Oh he meant well....who cares!" The angry llama shouted.
"So much for serenity." Peaches muttered and Sassy felt her hackles begin to rise. Sid was an idiot but she didn't like how this llama was talking about him. Denali noticed and brushed his fur against hers to calm her. She relaxed only slightly.
"300 years of peace and harmony undone by one colossally...," his hair turned grey. "Incredibly...," his beard grew grey and thin. "Stupendously stupid sloth!!!" The llama finally finished and his entire body hunched and all of his fur turned grey, tattered and thin. Everyone gasped and one by one the animals that had been residents of Geotopia began to instantaneously turn old.
"Oh Brooke!" Sid said in distress as the gorgeous sloth's youthful features sagged and her vibrant fur went grey.
"Man, you guys got old!" Granny observed, looking at the bunny, who's incredibly fluffy cotton tail had moved to his chin, forming a long and scraggly beard. "Whatever we had, its over!" She said, leaving him behind with a wave of her hand.
"That's what happens when you date a cougar." The bunny said and then sobbed.
"I'm really sorry Mister Llama."
"Sorry!? Sorry!? Sorry doesn't fix the wall now does it you little....AHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Shangrillama screamed in Sid's face. "I need a bubble bath or a massage. Who knows acupuncture!? I need to let my anger out!! Let it out!!! I've been pent up too long. Ahhhhhhhh!" The llama screamed, pulling on his ears in agony.
"And I thought I had emotional problems." Sassy muttered to Denali. He rolled his eyes and licked her on the cheek.
"Yeah but he's an idiot. You're beautiful." Sassy chuckled and nuzzled him briefly before looking back at the distressed mammal.
"I need to hit something. Somebody give me their face!"
"That's it!" Buck suddenly cried, interrupting the dramatization. "Pent up energy! Earth's most powerful propulsion devise is right in front of us!"
"Who? Spitty McGee here?" Granny asked, pointing at the spitting Llama with her cane. Buck shoved the llama to the side.
"The volcano! That's our magnet launcher!" He grabbed Diego by the face and turned him to stare right at the volcano. "All we have to do is seal the vents around it!"
"That's a crazy plan!" Diego said.
"You're a crazy plan!" Buck countered.
"That doesn't even make any sense!"
"And what are you Professor of Logic? Professor Kitty McWhiskers of the University of meowmeowmeowmeow-" Diego interrupted Buck's poking him in the face and mocking him by roaring in his face angrily. "You see! Tremendous energy leads to a tremendous explosion!" Buck smirked and walked away like he had just made a very important point. Sassy walked up to Diego and looked at him. He shook his head and they all turned back to Buck. "Alright, we need all these crystals loaded into the volcano pronto!" Buck said.
"What!?" Shangrillama interjected. "No! I'm not giving you my crystals! We need them to rebuild our sanctuary!" Everyone started tittering and Brooke stuck two fingers in her mouth and whistled. Everyone quieted.
"May I remind you that Geotopia is not yours to keep?"
"No you may not!"
"It came from the sky! And now it's time to give it back!"
"Is not!!!"
"Is too you old coot! Change isn't easy but it's part of life, and it's time for us to embrace it again whether you like it or not." Brooke pointed at the angry llama.
"Not!" He whined.
"Listen here llama. I will go nuts and granola on your butt, so either get on board or go twist yourself into a pretzel and namaste-out of our way!"
"Remind me not to get on her bad side." Denali muttered. Sassy smirked.
"Alright everyone! Grab every crystal you can find! And remember, lift with your legs!"
"Listen up planetary defense team! Step one, build pressure inside the volcano by sealing the air vents around it. If there's a leak, the pressure is weak. Step two! Get the biggest magnetic crystals into the volcano. They go' to be launched sky high to pull the asteroid off course." The animals got to work, sealing the vents with rocks and carrying crystals up the mountain to dump into the volcano. Sassy and Denali as well as Diego and Shira tied crystals to their backs and hurried up the trail so they could get them in and come back down quickly for more. Out of all the animals, they could move the fastest. Jullian and some of the bigger mammals were working on tugging a ginormous bed of crystals up the trail.
"This is it friends! Down the hatch! Every crystal counts!" Brooke encouraged as they all dumbed load after load of crystals into the volcano. The earth tumbled and Sassy could feel the pressure building deep within the mountain.
"Good news everyone!" Buck called. "We're six minutes ahead of schedule!" The animals cheered. "Somebody up there likes us!" Everyone continued on until not twenty seconds later Buck screamed. "Bad news!! Somebody up there doesn't like us!! We're six minutes behind schedule!!" He wailed. Everyone gasped.
"Double time everyone! We need that big crystal!" Manny yelled and they ran to the crystal to help pull it in. Suddenly a roar sounded from the sky and one of the Dino-birds swooped in and broke the rock under the crystal, causing it to tumble down into the ravine below. The other two appeared and circled the scared mammals.
"We got company!" Diego announced.
"Oooh I'll bring out the sponge cake!" Granny said absently. Sassy seriously began to wonder if the old sloth was starting to lose her mind. She saw Buck aim his slingshot at one of them and then get pinned to a rock by the skinny bird. Sassy gasped and took off with Denali, Diego, Shira and Manny on her tail. She could see the Dino's hadn't killed Buck yet and she could only assume he was doing his fancy talking that always seemed to get him out of trouble. Suddenly the fattest bird screamed and ran around like a chicken with its head cut off.
"What's going on up there!?" Denali and Shira asked in unison.
"Buck is what's going on." Diego said and Sassy nodded. The five reached the hill and started to climb over it when the birds flew over their heads and headed back towards the herd.
"Reinforcements have arrived!" Buck announced from on the talons of the skinnier bird. They all tied ropes around the crystal and heaved it out of the ravine. The herd cheered and Manny and Jullian hurried to the top to help them ease the crystal in. Flaming meteors were falling all around them.
"Mom where are they!?" Peaches asked in distress. The males were taking far too long.
"Ellie! We need to get everyone off the volcano!" Diego said and she nodded and they gathered everyone and hurried them back towards the ground.
"Folks I'm outta cake but I got salami!"
"Faster faster!" Shira urged the herd, ignoring Granny.
"Imouttacakebutigotsalami!" Granny hurried her words and Diego scooped her up onto his back and ran with everyone off of the quaking volcano. They all made it to the ground and looked up in horror just in time to see Manny and Jullian push the crystal away from the opening.
"What are they doing!?" Shira asked rhetorically. The crystal gained speed and rolled violently down the volcano's curved path and shot off the crest and flew towards the mouth of the volcano. It landed on the very edge and everyone gasped and held their breath in anticipation. The crystal teetered for a moment and then fell into the volcano, causing the ground to shake. Manny and Jullian came running down the path not seconds later. No one had time to celebrate because the asteroid was now a huge fiery ball taking up the entire sky as huge chunks fell around them, narrowly missing the herd in their fiery path. The volcano glowed with energy for a moment before going dark.
"What happened?" Shira asked dumbly.
"Maybe it's the quiet before the crazy?" Diego offered. Everyone looked at each other and a whistling sound could be heard. Sassy looked over just in time to see Granny plug up a tiny air vent with her cane. A moment later the volcano exploded in a burst, rocketing the crystals into the air in a Smokey cloud of ash and soot. Loved ones huddled together and could only watch and pray as the asteroid flew toward them at unbelievable speeds. It came closer and closer and the animals braced each other for the blow that they were certain was coming. Manny, Diego and Jullian shielded their mates from with their bodies as their protective instincts called upon them to do and Denali tucked Sassy under him and shut his eyes tight.
"I love you." He whispered in her ear.
"I love you too." Sassy said in a shaken voice and clenched her eyes shut. They waited but nothing happened and they looked up to see the magnetic electric currents pull the asteroid away and sent it hurtling back into space. The crowd exploded with joy. Everyone cheered and hugged and kissed and celebrated cheating death. Sassy screamed in happiness and tacked Denali to the ground, laying on him and licking his face everywhere. Denali laughed and could only return the affection in kind. The two laid their foreheads together and sighed in relief.
"Bring it in bro son! Welcome to the family!" Manny exclaimed to Jullian, hugging him in a manly way of course. "And you, ya coconut! I'll never doubt you again." He said to Buck, placing the weasel on his head.
"See! Daddy's always right! Remember that when ya olda'!" Buck told his pumpkin daughter. The herd gathered around and continued to celebrate until deciding to journey back home, happy and all very content.