Let her go

Carli

It's your fault Carli, you ruined everything

The thoughts were there. They were always there. Carli did ruin everything for Karima. From the exclusion of her first matches, to eventually telling Emily that her wife was "unfaithful".

Lloyd didn't want to think about Karima. But it was hard not to when her memorial match was about to start in a few minutes.

Carli had told the federation she was stepping down after the match. It wasn't just her former teammates death. Her marriage to Brian was failing and her son was badly sick. Things couldn't go on like this for much longer.

"You OK?" Carli turned around in the tunnel, about to head to her seat when she saw her favourite former goalie.
"Hope," she sighed, "I can't do this. Not now."
Solo understood. Nodding, she replied "After the game though we have to speak."
With that, she was off and Carli continued her journey to the seat.

She didn't look up when the players came out, the back on their shirts having the number six and Mendoza on the back.
She didn't look up when Emily entered the pitch, the tearful widow being presented with a memorial piece in honour of her deceased spouse.
And she didn't look up when the minute silence took place.

In the end, Canada was beaten 1-0. Mal scored in the 84th minute and the celebration was pretty emotional as she ran to Carli and embraced her, closely followed by the rest of the team.
"It's OK," Her manager tried to assure her, though her voice was breaking, "it's OK."

When the whistle blew, it was back down the tunnel.

When Carli was back at the hotel, she was surprised to see Hope waiting for her at the foyer. Then she remembered what her best friend had said about needing to talk and sighed.
Not a word was said until they entered a nearby bar.
It was only about half five, so the place was pretty deserted.

"So..." Hope put a hand on Carli's knee, "you go first."
Carli put down her drink and sighed in defeat. "What do I say Hope? I fucking miss that kid."
Hope nodded. "Keep talking."
So Lloyd did. "It was my fault. No one can tell me different. If I didn't...exclude Karima the way I did, she wouldn't be dead. That's a fact."
She continued to rant, about how the federation seemed heartless when accepting her decision to step down, how Brian didn't seem to care, how Carli had to stay strong for their child.

When she finished, she looked to Hope. The former Olympic and World Cup champion's face didn't move a muscle.
"It's Ok Carli," she said softly, "it's OK to get those feelings out. Because I care. I don't think this was your fault."
Hope stared at the foggy sky, clouded with uncertainty. "Maybe some things were meant to be, we just have to move on and do what would make Karima proud. The federation does care. I know, the irony of me to say that, but I think they're still in shock. But you need a break. Don't be so hard on yourself. You need to talk properly with Brian, whether you can work your issues out...I don't know. As for Ben..." Hope looked at Carli. "...leave him to me. I'll do the hospital checks for the next while. He doesn't need his mama worried and stressed."

Carli was now having to wipe the tears off her face. "Where would I be without you Hope?"
She was met with a chuckle. "Carli, I'm always here for you. And I will be your guide to help you through the process of letting her go."