The sun goes down
The sun goes down and I lie
awake with you
by my side and making me
second-guess
everything I know
Mostly myself
The sun goes down and I try
to sleep
but I cannot
for you are whispering
my fears
and they are real
I am just a speck of nothingness
You tell me this
and so it must be true
I wish you would go
but still
I cannot leave my home without you there
I do not know why I am afraid
You have told me that I should be
and so I am
Once or twice I have tried
to break up
and leave you behind
but still
you always snatch me back and
I am scolded
Somebody nearby was looking at me
I tried to look back but I could not
You have told me to be afraid
and so I am
The music stops
The music stops and I am sat
to be alone with you
I am just a burden and a pest
You tell me this and so
it must be true
But in spite of this
you are there when I have no one else
I am not allowed to speak in groups
for your hands will choke me
until I can barely breathe
and anyway
nobody cares to hear what I have to say
or what I think
I must do exactly as you say
lest I be harshly punished
I try to speak
but my voice will not come
You mutter in my ear that I am
a meek and foolish child
I fumble on my words
I am distracted
The other day I had a conversation
You were there
and though I got the words out I could not
help thinking that everybody else was silently
judging everything I said
and me myself
I exist among everyone else
but sometimes I feel
I do not exist at all
I will fall away
I will fall away and become nothing
Have I not already done it
You will take me to a deep dark cave
and abandon me
and I will have no way of escaping
and I will cry and call for help and manage
to get free and run away from all that darkness
until I hear footsteps approaching and you
grab me by the shoulder and embrace me
I do not miss you
I cannot shake you off
You are immortal
I can run away
but still
you will always find me in the end
A day or three ago I had something
of a revelation
but you are not going to like it
and so maybe I will not inform you of it
but then again
I can fight against you the bully
as long as
You control me the outsider
and maybe I should not tell you
When you speak to me I can refuse to listen
and you will not like it
but then again
I do not like you
You are immortal
I cannot cast you away forever
I can battle you to weariness
