Harry's Hero (z.s.)

3

When they arrived at the arena they had time to spare. They were given lunch and extra time to themselves before wardrobe and sound check.

Harry laid on the couch and within seconds was able to fall asleep in the dressing room.

The boys all mocked him

Louis: "sleepy baby"

Niall: "awww"

Liam: "baby didn't get enough sleep"

Zayn just rolled his eyes at them and smiled at how peaceful Harry looked. He was glad that he was resting, and glad that his mind was wandering away from all of the shit that was holding him hostage.

20 minutes passed and Harry was woken up crying. He couldn't get his self doubt, and his feelings for zayn out of his head enough to simply sleep. He kept thinking about losing him, and how difficult life would be if he fell for him and he didn't feel the same.

Harry woke himself up by sobbing.

Louis: "Harry why are you crying mate?"

Harry: "I uh- just a bad dream, I'm sure it's happened to you before"

Zayn knew it wasn't a dream. He knew his thoughts clouded his mind once again. His heart broke when Harry was awoke from his sleep, simply trembling.

He just wanted to fix it.
...
Harry had exited the dressing room and ran to the bathroom. There's nothing more that he wanted than to tell Zayn how he felt, and to let him hold him tight. To hear zayn say the same words. But he couldn't. He physically had so much doubt in himself, in the way he presented himself, and the way zayn felt about him.

Liam came after Harry

Liam: "haz are you alright mate?"

Harry: "yeah I'm good, just scared me a bit"

Liam: "do you remember what it was about?"

Harry: "uh...no not really"

Liam: "I'm glad you're alright...come get me if you need something"

Harry: "yeah for sure"

Liam tapped Harry on the back and left Harry in the bathroom alone.

When Liam left the bathroom Harry locked the door, pulled the razor from his bag, and ran it across his wrist.

Harry was crying immensely and yelling at himself.

Harry: "fuck you and your self doubt"

Harry: "just fucking stop"

Harry: "I can't- I can't- t-take it"

When Harry calmed himself down he ran a paper towel under the sink and dabbed his wrist, cleaning up the blood from his skin. Luckily he was wearing a long sleeved shirt, so he placed a few bandaids on his wounds and pulled his shirt down to cover it.

He unlocked the bathroom and exited. He had heard the boy's singing and realized it was time for sound check.

He made his way down the hallway and onto the stage. Zayn handed him his mic and he grabbed it. Zayn could see the hurt in his eyes.

They began to sing Live While Were Young

Tonight let's get some, and live while we're young

During the part where the boy's stand in a line and dance, Harry stood there. He wanted nothing to do with it. Liam whispered to him...

Liam: "I know you're flustered but you're gonna do that later right?"

Harry: "of course"
...
When sound check was completed Harry just wanted to sleep. He was exhausted, and to be honest he didn't wanna perform. But he pushed himself to do it for the fans.

After wardrobe, Harry moped back stage. Drinking as much water as he could to try to wake himself up. He didn't want to let the fans down, and he wouldn't. As soon as the rose to the surface of the stage, his eyes lit up. He knew he was meant to do this...but why does his mind make him believe he's not good enough?
...
The show just ended, the boys couldn't have felt more alive. This was the first time in a month Harry's smile has been genuine.

Zayn and Harry connected eyes and their smiles could've lit up the entire arena.

When the boys got off stage they all embraced each other with a hug and left for the car.

When they got in the car they were all so happy with how the performance went, and even though Harry was proud of his performance...his mood shifted right back to how it was. And he couldn't help it.

Zayn whispered to him.

Zayn: "hey I'm proud of you"

Harry smiled

Zayn: "you gonna hang with us tonight? I've got drinks?"

Harry: "I don't know I kinda just wanna-"

Zayn: "Harry, even if it's just you and me. I just wanna be together"

Harry knew Zayn probably meant that in a friendly way but Harry blushed at the comment. Zayn just told him that he didn't care about the others, he just wanted to spend more time with him. That made Harry's heart lighten.

Harry: "Let me get a shower first and then yes"

Zayn: "thank you."

Harry leaned his head on Zayn's shoulder.
...
When they got back to the hotel, all the boy's except for Harry went back to Liams room once again. Harry said he needed a shower to wake himself up, but he'd be there after.

Harry didn't get in the shower. He got in the bath, with an entirely different intention.

He locked the door to the bathroom behind him, took the blade from his bag and began slicing into his skin. Spitting out bad words with every movement. He knew he didn't want to die without saying good bye to Zayn. So he called him.

Zayn: "hey haz"

Harry: "z, I need to tell you something"

Zayn: "why do you sound like you've been crying"

Harry: "shut up and listen"

Zayn: "okay okay"

Harry: "I wanna tell you that I love you. More than anything. I am physically and emotionally in love with you. I want to be with you, but I can't be here anymore."

Zayn gasped and covered his mouth

Zayn: "Harry stay there, don't say that. I'm coming"

Harry heard Zayn scream for Niall to give him his room key.

The rest of the boy's were curious and afraid but Zayn told them to stay.

Harry: "no zayn, I- I can't stay here"

Zayn: "Harry no, don't do this. I'm coming just hold on"