Treecko's Daily Soapbox Brendan x Wally (Loverivalshipping)

Topic 2: DDLC

Me: "The sad part is that I pre-wrote this chapter so long ago that the topic is no longer relevant." *Cries in slowness*

You: *Gets the whip out*

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*Wally's POV*

The door to the sound booth suddenly opens, and I turn to blink at the intruder. "I have come to witness how he sucks down all self-respect and panders to the fuck bois in charge," May announces.

"Oh, hi, May," I respond before turning back to my mixing board and the window between me and Brendan.

"Somehow, that was not the response I was expecting," she says, pulling up a chair and taking a seat next to me.

"At six in the morning? I'm amazed I remembered your name," I tell her. Heck, no one else in the room has even noticed her. Seriously, what response was she expecting?

"He looks pleased with himself," May notes, leaning in towards the window, "I don't understand how, though. I hate this stuff..." she trails off into a muttering grumble, worrying her lips with her fingers.

Brendan's fingering the base of his mic stand on the desk in front of him and smiling softly to himself while some girl from Alola goes on and on about beds to him. Beds! She's so serious about the topic that it's mildly concerning, and I'm really not sure how she passed the vetting stage and got put through to us as a legit caller. She's even describing the beds she's lain in...beds of friends and acquaintances and even just beds she's found while travelling.

"There was this one time," the caller says while Brendan 'mm-hmm's at polite but disinterested intervals, like he's blissed out on happy pills and completely forgotten that he's the host of this radio show, "I went into the room of this house and there were two little girls who wanted to know who I was, and I laid down on this bunkbed, and it was so nice. I felt like I could experience the person through lying in their bed."

"What the fuck?!" May exclaims next to me, "Am I hallucinating, or did I just hear that?"

I shake my head, not entirely sure myself. Am I dreaming? It's too early in the morning to tell. Sometimes, it's all just too surreal.

Brendan laughs softly to himself at a disturbing point in the caller's story before looking up and catching us watching him. He gives May this cute fingerwave and smile combo and then winks at me. A flash flood of heat goes through my body, but I fight it back and gesture urgently at him to shut this caller down, drawing a finger rapidly over my throat.

Brendan's smile doesn't falter at all as he interrupts the girl mid-sentence, saying, "Alright, that was a nice story. Selene, was it? r/I'm 14 and this is deep, am I right? Let's move on. Beds are beds."

May gawps at him beside me. "I am genuinely afraid for his safety right now because that bitch was crazy, and he's the most fuckin' casual savage I've ever fuckin' met. Can you tell him I love him? I just realized I love him now."

I shoot May a sharp, exasperated look. "It's too early in the morning for this," I mutter.

"Dude, if this is too early for you, you're in the wrong profession, and you've been in the wrong profession for, like, way too long."

"I'm in the wrong life," I lament to myself.

"Um...is he gonna murder someone?" May asks abruptly.

"What?" I snap at her, more than slightly annoyed, and quickly tune back in to what Brendan's saying.

"...get the obsession, though. Well, not her obsession, but I can understand obsession in general."

"Okay, now he's just starting to scare me," May says, "Has he lost it? Where are his script monkeys?"

"I guess I'm his script monkey," I snap at her because gosh, I just wish she would be quiet right about now, "And he's not crazy. He knows what he's doing." The pit of my stomach clenches violently. I have so much to think about, and it's too early, and May keeps making these ridiculous comments, and Brendan's not helping, but- I need to think!

I just need a second, but here she goes again, "Hey, my dad told me, you know. About the social...the..." I guess the words die on her lips because of the look I'm giving her daring her to say it out loud right now when so much is already happening, "Well, he's the reason I'm stuck here actually 'cause he's pretty high up and all and he insisted, but you know what? It's not cool that he just told me something that's obviously private like that," she holds her hands up in a peace-offering gesture, "I get it. It's not cool that he got me this job that I didn't want either. I just wanted to say...well, you don't let on about it much. You seem to be doing well for yourself."

"Well for myself?" I retort before I have a chance to think through my words. I stop myself just in time and let out an unamused laugh instead of continuing that train of thought.

May quirks a curious brow at me. "So you're not?" she prompts.

I sigh and decide it would just be easier to answer her at this point. "May, my life is a rollercoaster right now."

"How so?" she pushes.

"There are just...some things happening between me and Brendan right now," I reluctantly admit.

"Pfft, since when is that news? You two are always nutso in the breakroom. Hey, yeah," she says like she's suddenly onto something, "didn't you guys lie to me? Brendan said you were friends or something?"

"May!" I quickly interrupt her, not wanting to hear where this is going, "I'm working right now. I'm supposed to be paying attention to Brendan, not you. Can you please leave?"

She gives me an outraged huff in response but thankfully quiets down. She shoves back her chair and storms out of the room while I try to refocus on Brendan.

"...Doki Doki Literature Club? It's a fourth wall breaking visual novel, and it's rather meta regarding visual novels. I mean that it's aware—or I should be saying the creators were aware—that it's a visual novel, and it makes use of this, it self-reflects. But anyway, that's not what I wanted to talk about. I wanted to talk about the main character, Monika. She's aware that her world, this visual novel, isn't real, and that the only thing that is real in it is you, the player. And it makes sense to me why she develops this obsession with you, the player. Her world is reduced to nothing but you-" Brendan laughs a little, "That's actually kind of funny because for everyone on the internet the game is just about Monika. It's just Monika. That's the meme. Just Monika, but for her, it's just you..." he looks very contemplative all of a sudden, "Or is it? Is she obsessed with you? Or is she obsessed with the center of attention being on her? Is she obsessed with herself?...For everything else in her world besides you, by virtue of being fake, it's not real." That- that phrasing doesn't sit well with me. It reminds me of things we've discussed recently..."Well, duh, Brendan. Captain Obvious, huh?" he laughs at himself, "But it's lesser. You are the only thing that's real, the only thing that matters, so of course she becomes obsessed with you," he's clearly thinking about this remarkably hard, much harder than he thinks about the standard topic on this show, "But when you think about it, she's become obsessed with, no doubt, thousands of players, and it really is just about her, isn't it? She's trying to avoid what's fake by singling you out, but on her part, this kind of behavior is just superficial attention seeking...She obviously thinks she's justified in taking the actions that she does, and from her perspective, her obsession does make sense—it is justifiable to act that way when your world is just a computer game full of NPCs. But when you look at it from a broader perspective, knowing you're not the only one who's played this game, then her behavior...it's remarkably self-serving. It's selfish. You aren't special. She is. Just Monika. It's just Monika." Brendan stops on that thought, thinking quietly to himself, and I can't listen to this anymore. If he's saying what I think he's saying...I just don't wanna hear it, and I can't believe he would compare himself to a video game character.

I wave to him from behind the glass after that, making an effort to reign him back in and get him on a topic that actually makes sense for a six am radio show.

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Me: "It's just Brendan, skitties!"