Devotion and Passion (Reader x Gfriend)

Devotion and Passion

 A/N: I made this story a while back. I was supposed to join in a writing contest however, I was way passed the deadline so I just decided to post it here. I don't know much about Gfriend and I'm not a fan or anything. I barely know them, I just did it on a whim because my friend said so but I failed to join so I guess this is just my way of apologizing.

The theme was about friendship. 

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Ever since I was young, I had a passion for dancing. It was my hobby, and amusement. However, I can't say that it was my whole life. I liked dancing but I wasn't that devoted. I simply enjoyed it. It was my way of showing my emotions, feelings and expressing myself. I've felt free and relieved whenever I dance. It felt like the whole world doesn't matter, and there was only me in it. It was a euphoric feeling of happiness.

There was a time that my parents forbid me from dancing. They mentioned a lot of things at the time something about my future, studies and career. How can they tell me to abandon dancing!? It was like they were telling me to throw my life away. I couldn't accept that, so I ran away. I have other dreams and goals in life but I couldn't just give up dancing, it was the only thing I have ever enjoyed. I know that it was stupid and childish of me but it hurt my feelings.

I ran as if there's no tomorrow and let my feet take the lead.  As I walked down the dark lonely street, I saw a studio. It was the only place that still had lights. As it shined through the darkness, I was tempted to enter. It was a magical place where everything in my entire life began to change. I saw 6 girls who were tirelessly dancing. I was mesmerized by the beautiful sight. At that time, they weren't the best and that great. They just simply enojyed and passionately loved what they were doing.  I admired that so I approached them, wishing that one day I'll be just like them.

I joined their studio and befriended them. I didn't even realize that we're studying at the same school. I enjoy those moments I spend with them whether it was dancing, hanging out, and simply having fun. Their hardwork, dedication and love for dancing can't be compared to anyone else. It happened just as I predicted it, their group was able to gain recognition.  It was in their performance of gustas tu era.

 I couldn't be more happier and proud of their achievements yet there was a part of me that wished to stand on the same stage as them and smile like they do, however, I couldn't even begin to compare to them. Their talent, hardwork and love for dancing is nothing compared to mine or maybe I just felt so hopeless and useless in their presence. It wasn't obvious but something changed. Little by little as they get fame, it felt like I was being left behind and further away from them. We act just like what we do everyday but... the way everyone looked at me was different. I was told to stay away and to know my place. 

I was being bullied at school and bashed on internet. I felt trapped and suffoated wherever I go. In all kinds of places in social media platform, school, streets and even at my own house. My family didn't want me to dance in the first place so they kept saying that they were bad influence to me because they were the reason why I was suffering. When I'm with them I felt happy like nothing else could ever compare so I didn't want to separate from them. There's a part of me that knows even if I stay away it will still continue, and a part of me that thinks everything they say is true and that I deserve it. I didn't tell them anything so they wouldn't worry and panic.

I thought I could simply get over it and stand beside them but being with them also became tiring. Was it because I got tired of them? Or because of the constant comparing and judgement of people? I was considered a leech and a parasite that clung unto them. I wanted to be different, I wanted to be recognize for just being me but it was to no avail. No matter how hard I try and desperate I am. I will always be below them.

Then that day came, I was frustated and down. No wait, to be more precise I was not in my right mind at the time. They confronted me because they uncovered the fact that I was being bullied and that I was suffering. I knew that they were just being kind however I blew up. I said the worst possible things that I could ever say to them. I blamed them about my situation and to what was happening to me even though I know that it was none of their fault. Days passed and they tried to contact me, I couldn't bring myself to say sorry so I used what happened as an excuse for me to stay away and seperate myself from them.

Things changed and I felt left out, compared to before it was so much easier and it was so much different. I knew right from the start that it have always been the 6 of them and, it will be until the very end. It was foolish of me to think that I could be one of them. We were too different and no matter what I do, I can't be like them. I can't reach them for I was far too low.

Now, we live different lives. Mine is a mediocre life, decided and dictated by my parents where I'm trapped in an endless cycle of work and home while they're living the best out of their lives. Where they get to be passionate and sincerely enjoy the work that they are doing. When I met them, I already realized that they can achieve their dreams. I was right. I just wished that I wasn't blinded by my inferiority complex and went on just like them maybe... just maybe if I did that then things would have been different now.