Daddy Issues

Chapter 3

                 Anton didn’t lie to the bartender, at least not entirely. He did have plans, although nothing that the bartender had to leave for. All that Anton wanted to do was to sleep. He planned to lie down in his bed and just forget the world- forget everything. His mind had other ideas, however. Aton would not be forgetting anything, not today. No, in fact just the opposite would happen. Anton would begin to remember. It was almost as if the bartender had awakened something inside of him that had long since remained undisturbed.  Anton fell asleep easily, though had he known what he would be dreaming of he would have done anything he could to stay awake. He would do anything to stop from reliving those memories.

                Deep down, Anton had always known that he was a little different. Deep down he always knew that he was gay and he was only thirteen years old when he first admitted it out loud. He never shied away from the truth but instead accepted it proudly. No matter what society said, he knew that there was nothing wrong with who he was. If only his parents had felt the same way.  Anton would never have though that his parents would have a problem with who he was. He was not even the least bit nervous the day he decided to tell them.

                The day Anton came out to his parents could easily have been just like any other day. Anton woke up, went to school, came home, did his homework and ate dinner with his parents. Anton’s parents always wanted another child after him, but the timing was never right. Even still, their small apartment that was the home to the three of them always seemed to be filled with enough love and warmth to make a small army feel welcome.  How was Anton to know that the day he told his parents would be the day that the warmth and light faded away forever?

                After dinner Anton’s mother began to clear off the table like she always did. She went to go pick up Anton’s plate but he wrapped his hand around her wrist, stopping here. “Mom, wait. Can you sit back down for a minute? There is something that I need to tell you two.”

                Anton’s mom grew increasingly worried as she sat down and turned to face her son. “What is it Sweetie? What’s wrong?”

                “You both have said that you will love me forever, right? No matter what?”

                Anton’s mom answered as his dad just sat there in silence, trying to figure out what Anton was about to tell them. What he did say, however, never crossed his mind. “You know we will.

                “There’s something that I think you should know.” Anton took a deep breath. “Mom, Dad- I’m gay.” Neither of his parent’s spoke. “Now I know that you probably feel that I am too young to know for sure. You are probably thinking that I’ve never even been on a date, or been kissed- by a girl or boy, and you are right. But I don’t need that to know who I am. I’ve never been so certain of anything in my life.”

                A thick silence filled the apartment. Minutes passed before it was finally broken by Anton’s dad, and he only had a single word to say. “No.”

                It was barely more than a whisper. Anton wasn’t even sure that he heard his father correctly. “Wha-what did you say?”

                “No! I said no! N-O. You aren’t- just no. It’s not true. Now go to your room and don’t come out until you are ready to admit that there is no truth to what you just said!”

                Anton could not believe what he was hearing. His father could not be serious. It had to be some kind of cruel joke.  Anton waited for a moment, for him to say that he was only kidding. When he realized that that was not going to happen he turned to his mother. She put a hand on his shoulder and smiled at him. “Why don’t you go into your room, Sweetie? Leave me and your father alone to speak. Slowly Anton nodded his head and got up to leave the room.

                Even the four walls of his room were not enough to block out the sounds of his parents arguing. “Be honest, Lucy. You can’t be okay with what our son just told us!” He heard his father say.

                “I’ll admit that I wasn’t expecting it, but I don’t have a problem with it. If he is sure, if he is confident about what he is saying and has no problems with it, then neither do I. We are his parents, Mark, we are supposed to always be there for him. We are supposed to be supportive.”

                “No God-damn-it!” Anton heard a plate fall to the floor and shatter. Anton’s parents had been given those plates as a wedding present. “No son of mine is going to be some cock-sucking fag!”

                “Fine then! I guess he is no son of yours!” Anton could hear footsteps approaching so he hid under his covers. His bedroom door swung open and the sheets we pulled off of him, revealing his mother standing over his bed. “Come on, pack a bag. The two of us are going to stay with Grandma for a little bit.”

                Slowly the memory began to fade as Anton awoke. He found himself in his bed, his sheets drenched in sweat. That was the last day Anton stepped foot into that apartment. He hadn’t thought of that day in years. Anton sighed as he got up. He was in desperate need of a drink.