Leaps

1 - Cameron

I run around, frantically trying to find the last few things I need. In a few hours, I will be leaving the country for the first time in my life. I'll be gone around 8 months, perhaps a little longer, if all goes well. Not too long, though, as I need to be ready for college before my gap year ends, and I'd like to have some time at home to recoup. Maybe a month or two? But I do plan on taking full advantage of my year of freedom before I get shipped off to college. I am so, so excited to have these months to myself! 

When I began planning this trip, my mother seemed scared for my well being, and practically begged me to bring a friend. However, I held strong in my no. After what felt like thousands of requests to take someone, she eventually gave up, but left with a demand.

"Okay, fine. You win. On one condition. Explain why you refuse to take a friend. Now. Or don't go at all. It's your choice." 

I fumbled for an answer, because she would never accept the truth. I've tried to explain my reasons for things time and time again, but my parents never seem to understand. Luckily, my father walked into the room, saving me that time. 

"Leave the poor girl alone, Pamela. She's lived with us for the past 19 years, and she'll have a roommate for four more. Let her have some space." 

"Fine." Pamela practically spat the word, before she turned on her heel and marched out of the room.

I turned to my father."Thanks for saving me there." He looked at me questioningly, so I continued. "She caught me off-guard, so I wouldn't have had that good of an answer." This was technically true, but by no means complete.

I am an Aspergirl. A girl diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, technically called high-functioning autism. But Aspies aren't classically autistic, so bear with me to understand the difference. But it gets worse. I am bisexual, have known now for 10 years, and I am still closeted to all but my closest friends, due to my over-controlling parents.

I haven't explained what my dad meant yet, have I? Oops. Sorry. Because of my Asperger's, venturing out to make new friends is very difficult for me, and if I already have some friends, it is nearly impossible for me to force myself to leave them to find more. I know if I bring a friend, I will hide behind them for the next months. But that isn't what I want. I want to force myself to meet new people, with no one left to hide behind.

But back to the present.

I plop down on my bed, tangling my fingers in my dirty-blonde hair, running through my checklist mentally. Am I finally done? I think so. I slip my socked feet into my new black cutoff boots, planning to show off my recent Christmas present. Snatching my purse off its shelf, I drop my phone and wallet inside, just as Pamela calls up to me.

"Honey, you're going to miss your train if you don't hurry!"

"Coming, mother!" I shout my reply as I scurry down the stairs. And yeah, she did say train. My parents keep asking me why I am taking a train, as they are so slow. Ive told them it is just because trains are the most interesting way to travel, and a wise man once said that getting there was half the fun. But once again, it really has to do with me being an Aspie. A train should be a good introduction to the outside world for me. A roommate, just like college, however, the quantity of total passengers is quite limited, which will make it easier for me. Easier than the seemingly millions of people on campus, but definitely still not easy.

I drag my suitcase out to our car, tossing it into the backseat, before hopping in after it. My mother sits down to drive, my dad in the passenger. They both wanted to come to wish me goodbye, strange, considering how alienated they have made me feel the last few years. Maybe they are going someplace as soon as I leave.  I drag myself out of my thoughts to say a silent farewell to my house as we pull away from the curb.

On the drive, I make awkward small talk with my parents. The, in reality short, trip seemingly takes hours, as we wait in traffic jam after traffic jam, the feeling not helped by the intense anticipation. Finally, we arrive at the station. I pull my suitcase out of the car, and set it beside myself. As the three of us say our farewells, both hugs and tears are exchanged, although I have a feeling most of the tears are faked. Eventually, we part ways, I to find my train, them to return home.

Finally, I am free.

---

I wander over to my train, as I had realized I had plenty of time before departure.  Finding myt compartment, my shoulders sag as I relax.  My roommate isn't here yet, so I have a minute before having to deal with another awkward conversation.  After stowing my suitcase, I collapse onto one of the beds.  All that's left is to wait.