Cherry Chapstick

1

"Just get out of my sight!" I yelled. I watched the pain in his eyes as he looked at me.

I hated him with every piece of my body.

"You have to believe me, please! I'm begging you!" He responded. His eye's were red and there were dark circles under his eyes.

I'm so dumb for believing everything he said to me in the past what seems an hour.

"I thought I knew you, Ryan! I guess I was too blinded by your love to see what you really are." I said. Tears were building up in my eyes. I looked up to look away from his gaze. I didn't want him to see that I was hurting still from him.

"Why are you such a pain? Just believe me and we can go on with our lives like we planned." He told me with such confidence.

I stared at him refusing to cry, but suddenly his face started to fade away, but I could still see his eyes looking at me. I felt every arrow he pointed at me with his eyes.

Slowly, his whole body faded away, but I was there alone with my darkness. I thought letting him go was just going to free my pain.

Beep, beep, beep! The alarm clock was hurting my ears. I reached over and turned it off. I groaned at the thought of starting a new school with new people.

That dream was something else. I stood up and noticed I was drenching in sweat and probably my pain.

"Wake up, Addy!" My older brother, Aaron yelled from the bathroom indicating we have to go soon.

"I'm up." My voice cracking before I finished the sentence. I cleared my throat once more.

I walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower, waiting for it to heat up. I took off my clothes, and I let my dark brown, boring, curly hair down. I looked into the mirror and I looked at my body. I observed my dark chocolate skin, and I noticed every scar and bruise I  got. I looked at the mirror and observed every insecurity I have. 

"Your thighs are too big" A voice said in my head. "Your skin is too dark." It continued. "Your acne is showing too much. Your eyes are too small. Your voice is too high pitched. Your stomach is too fat."

"Hurry up!" Aaron yelled. His voice brought me back my comfort, and suddenly I felt safe again. 

I hopped in the shower and quickly washed my hair and my body. I shaved my legs quickly and brushed my teeth. I couldn't leave the house without my shower even if i'm late.

I put on my new black hoodie and some loose denim jeans. I put my favorite cherry chap stick in my hoodie pocket.

  I looked at the mirror one last time before taking a deep breath.

I skipped breakfast and headed straight to the white car. I hated the color white. It's too bright and hurts my eyes when I look at it for too long. I hopped into the car and started to wait for Aaron. I knew he was stuffing his mouth with mom's pancakes.

-

While we were driving to school, I noticed the new houses surrounding ours. I looked at all the trees, birds, and the beautiful green grass.

"Try not to embarrass yourself. It's a new year and I want the best for you" Aaron told me, snapping me from my gaze.

"I won't. I'm sure this school wont be like our old one." I told him. I didn't want him to worry about me because he is already stressing over other things. I don't deserve someone to worry about me.