My beautiful butterfly in hell

hallucinations?

Chapter 2

I blew out my breath in puffs and stared at the graveyard. I could feel my heart beating so damn hard as if it could it would have run miles away now from here.

Other times I never seemed to hear anything else but right now, the only thing that I could hear was the wind carrying whispers with it and I won't lie but that creeped the shit out of me, on top of that ..may I remind you that it so damn dark and the only thing that providing light is the torch from my phone.

I've been here a couple of times and it always during the day. For a minute there I was really contemplating turning around but then I remember the reason why I was here in the first place. With that, I sucked in a deep breath and continued. Some of the graves looked attended for and cared for, while others were covered in weeds and seemed as if it had been decades since they were lastly attended to.

As I passed every single one of them I read the lettering that stated the name, date of birth and date of death until I finally came to where my own heart was buried and knelt down.

"Damien Sterling" I read slowly..testing each syllable in my tongue. I knew he was gone and wouldn't reply but a big part of me wanted to hear him answer. Just one more time to hear him call me pumpkin alongside his many funny nicknames. In this place, I feel close to him like he is sitting next to me and god knows how much I wanted that to be true.

I closed my eyes and thought of all the good times we had shared together. when I was bullied he was there to stand up for me, when I was hurt he was there to take care of me, when I was sad he was there to crack jokes and make me smile or when we would listen to the same drake songs, I remember that video he had shown me and we're laughing our asses off.

The more memories I excavated the more my heart cracked and in a very long time, I felt my cheeks wet. I mustered all the courage I had to at least speak to him after all, he is the only one who always listened to me and wasn't just waiting for their turn to talk or use my weaknesses against me.

"hey Ster, I miss you so damn much and every single day feels like hell without you here to be honest with you Ster ... I feel like I'm waiting for something that isn't going to happen and I'm scared shitless" I know I tell you this every time but ever since you left life has been shit. Everyone abuses me and they are always saying shit about me.

How I'm ungrateful for the so-called help that they are giving me. At first, I had thought that maybe everything will finally be okay since I was being adopted ... it was till everything went crazy. I don't get her, at time she is so nice then at other time she acts as if she is possessed beating me at every opportunity that presents itself.

Every day I try to understand her perspective but I just can't seem to see a good enough reason for what she does..then after everything, she would buy me expensive stuff thinking perhaps I will forget everything. She is currently not in the country and went to Japan for work and I feel like at last, I can breathe without being afraid. I hope you understand why I'm doing this.I'm tired of all this.I'm so damn young but bore scars of a grown as a man from war.

My hand hurts like a bitch and I have this huge scar that has just healed but I can feel the pain to the other side. I have tried holding on but I'm sorry. I just can't do this anymore. Family is meant to be there for you ..to lift you and support you even when you are down but not this one. Either way, they will kill me so I rather do it myself for my remaining dignity.

I don't think I can take it any more it hurts and it hurts so damn much.I'm falling apart. It feels like I'm being tared open and like I'm all alone in this world. I'm I always misunderstood and they all hate me. I miss you so much ... can't you just come back, even if it just for a minute?"