The Dreams That Were Dreamt

Chapter Nine: Where We Take Shape

I'm running. I'm running as fast as I possibly can. I don't know where to, but I know what from. I'm being sought after by a dark figure. Every time I look across my shoulder, there it is. No matter how fast I run it is still there, behind the trees, as if just floating. If I can just get out of the woods, I think, I will be rid of it. But the ceiling of leaves are infinite. I fear that my legs will get tangled. I worry that they will tie in a sheepshank knot and it will get me. But as if I'm finding an oasis in the desert a colossal manor takes shape right in front of me. In front of my feet lie a stone staircase that leads up to the manor. Its façade is menacing. There is a telling darkness behind the stained windows. I hesitate. My only way of escape is to find a place to hide. But the manor does not look like a safe place for refuge. What choice do I have? Before I make the decision to climb the steps and approach the doors, I manage to wake myself up.

Only that I don't wake up. My eyes don't open. I see myself, and I see Roger. We're lying on the bed in the hotel. But I see us from a different perspective. Outside the hotel, under a flickering light, there the apparition is. It is looking up at the windows; the one window that lights up irregularly, more specifically. I feel terror. It knows where I am.

I open my eyes, this time fully awake. The terror has not left my body. For a moment I just lie there on my stomach, feeling the sensation of my sweaty body against the sheets; feeling the sensation of knowing that I'm not in the woods anymore. My body had now come into being where I last left off. I'm exactly where Roger had placed me after I collapsed in his arms. I'm lying in bed next to him. I'm absolutely soaked, staring into Roger's arm. I can almost feel the light from the TV on my back, as if it was giving me warmth. Every time a bright scene was displayed, another wave of sweat seeped out of my pores. I hear Roger's breathing. He is not asleep. I'm feeling the urge to run but it's as if I'm paralyzed. There is no need to run, I tell myself. It was just a dream.

The dark hair on Roger's chest that didn't really match his golden hair led my thoughts to the woods. What were those woods? Lately, it seemed like every dream I had took place in them. It wasn't a happy place. But even though the habitat evoked a feeling of anguish it was a non-place. It had no other defining characteristics besides being a transient space that my body passed through. It was where I found the hotel. It was where I witnessed the burial. It was where I had met the man in the diner. I knew the place well. But the manor, the manor was different. It didn't feel like the hollow shell that the other places evoked the feeling of. It had details and it had character, albeit terrifying ones. It had some sort of significance that I couldn't recognize just yet. The size of it made me feel uneasy. It was too big for me. It was a feeling I couldn't push away.

I tried to get my breathing in check but when realizing that no such thing was possible in this position, I slowly raise my body. Getting up is difficult. It feels like I'm wearing a weighted vest. I'm feeling nauseous and my throat tightens when I try to swallow. Roger moves closer to the edge of the bed to give me some room for getting up.

''Is everything alright,'' he asks me. I don't answer him, my mind is set on orientating my body and getting into a position where I can calm my breath. I lean my back against the wall, not bothering to make sure that there is a pillow to stabilize my position. Rearranging the pillow required strength I did not have. Roger asks me the same question again. Please, just be quiet, I ask of him in my mind. You know that feeling when you stub your toe on a baseboard and people ask if it hurt? Yeah, what do you think? Acknowledging the pain only makes it more real. I can tell, however, that his eyes on me won't relax unless I give him an answer.

''I'm good,'' I tell him. Talking feels unnatural. Only after realizing that I wasn't giving him a more thorough answer he let his back rest against the wall once again. He continued to let the light from the TV continue to create bags under his eyes.