Why Now?

chapter 7

She had been silent for the entire day now , at first she was crying uncontrollably for an hour straight, she was so angry she'd thrown a few kitchen appliances towards Clay as he l tried to comfort her , emphasis on tried. She kept yelling 'no' over and over again, but all he could do was stand there an listen to how broken she felt .

Imagine being lied to about your parents ever being there,  half of your life forgotten, thinking they were never there for you.

She sobbed as she felt hopelessness creep in, crying wasn't doing anything but it was all she could do. The fact she saw her mom and dad die with her , the memory itself made her feel sick.

She blamed herself more for not remembering...  and why would the nurses tell her such a thing.

Clay left her after struggling the entire time ,he wanted  to at least get her out of the kitchen and to a more comfortable place.

But she sobbed an hour on the cold kitchen floor and when he came back to check on her ,her eyes were death as she gazed at the floor with a blank expression,  she felt shit ,like absolute shit .

She looked like shit too, she'd gotten rid of her blue eye contacts and her hair was a mess, her eyes were red aswell as was the tip of her nose , she sniffled silently .

Her eye contacts were her way of feeling beautiful,  better , she hated her natural hazel ones , they made her feel plain and boring , so she covered them with icy blue ones . Covered up the ones her dead parents had given to her at birth, at this moment she promised to wear her family's jeans with pride.

'Promise ' she whispered

A sound was annoying her, the ticking of the clock had been irritating her ears for a while,she got up to climb onto the counter with the determination to reach for the annoying device , once she got ahold of it she sent it flying across the kitchen,  she didn't stop there ,grabbing anything she could in her way to throw , trashing the entire kitchen.

Screaming on the top of her lungs not caring that the kitchen didn't belong to her . She was covered in cuts yet she never felt satisfied  as the adeline pumping through her veins made her want to do something more rash, but instead she fell towards the floor defeated.  Like nothing mattered anymore, not the stupid kitchen, not her parents and not her.

Clay didn't give the kitchen a second glance but slowly walked towards her shacking body minutes after her outburst. He could afford 50 kitchens if he wanted but his eyes were only on her as he gently lifted her up onto the piles of broken glass. She didn't push him away this time . Looking at the glass that had scattered across the floor it wasn't as broken as she felt.

Her parents.

And she didn't even know them.

She didn't like the feeling of being fragile but in this moment she was .

Clay helped her the most he could but felt he couldn't really help her . She'd have to help herself.

...

It's been a week since she stepped out the room Clay had given her, walking out the room like she was the walking dead . She slept all day and cried all night, Clay was always delivering home cooked meals to her room but it has always stayed untouched . He was worried about her , this was no normal grief  ,he could tell this was way worse .

Each and every day Sia had the urge to get up but just couldn't find the strength to,  her body pained ,her throat dry and her head ached .

During the days she found herself remembering glimpses of her past, her parents,  they seemed like  the greatest people and they made her happy. She remembered little but felt she knew them more now.