My way back to you

Chapter One

22/06/2013. The day that changed my life. It was just another typical day for me; I woke up, made my breakfast and went out to collect my mail. I wasn't in a rush because it was Saturday so I didn't have to go to work. As I was looking at the folders I was holding I noticed the word "EMERGENCY" on one of them. I didn't give it much thought and I opened that folder immediately. It was from my mother.

"Dear Katherine,

I write you this letter to let you know about my health condition. For the last month I've been in and out of hospitals all the time. I don't know how much time I have left. The only thing I know is that I'm tired of fighting whatever it is that I have. I believe that the time has come for you to come back and take care of your daughter. I haven't told her anything about you yet, I guess this is something we should do together. Therefore, I expect you to come as soon as possible.

You will find me on the room 371 on the third floor of Saint Mary's hospital in Seattle.

Love,

Mother"

What was that? For a moment there I felt like I couldn't breathe. I had to go back home after 15 years of absence to take care of my daughter, the girl that I have only seen in photos. She must be all grown up by now. How am I supposed to tell her that I'm her mother? The one she thinks that died giving birth to her? So many questions popped into my mind but I didn't have much time left. I had to catch the first plane to Seattle like NOW!

I packed a few things and rushed to the airport. On my way there I was so overwhelmed, I couldn't stop thinking about my daughter. My mother was kind enough to send me some photos of her from time to time and she wrote me a lot to let me know about their life. I mean, this is the least she could do after she practically obligated me to keep out of my daughter's life. That old strong hearted lady never forgave me for the fact that I fell in love with a married man and had given birth to his child without even letting him know that I was pregnant. What was the point after all? He was about to start a family with his wife and he was so damn thrilled about it. I don't think about him a lot, but when I do, I keep going back to the night he told me his wife was pregnant with twins, his face...his expression... I couldn't...I just couldn't tell him about my pregnancy. That was the last time I saw him. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I told him.

That was also the night I told my mother about my baby... she was so furious that I was even surprised she was willing to talk about keeping the baby. I thought she would force me to abort. She didn't. Instead, she brought me to Vancouver to give birth and three months later she persuaded me to sign a paper giving up my baby's custody. She took advantage of the fact that I was vulnerable and took away the best thing that ever happened to me, the only thing I have left from the love of my life.

I must confess I feel kind of happy that she finally made up her mind and she wants me to take care of my girl when she is gone, which I suppose from her rush to have me back as soon as possible, that will be some time soon. I'm terrified of the idea of meeting my daughter. As we flew over Richmond I could almost hear my heartbeats. I was so anxious I almost forgot the other thing...my mother was dying... she may have kept me away from their lives for all these years but after all she was my mother, the woman that gave me life, that raised me the best way she could. After all this time I've been away from home, from them, I had just enough time to review some things and I must say that I kind of understand my mother's actions. I'm not saying I forgive her, I'm just saying I partially understand her.

As we are approaching the Seattle airport, my hands start to sweat and I feel kind of dizzy. How am I supposed to show up at the hospital? Who I'm going to tell them I am? As far as my daughter knows, I'm dead. At this point I guess that everyone else I used to know thinks I'm dead too. I don't know. The only thing I do know is that I cannot go there being Katherine Carter. Maybe my mother told them I'm a friend of hers and they expect me to go. Oh, who am I kidding? That old brat wouldn't do that because she waits for me to go and talk about the life after her passing. I never thought she would give me the chance to be part of my girl's life, I always believed, because she kept giving me hints, that Louise, my little girl, would end up in foster families before she could even have a chance in meeting and get to know me. I wonder what happened that made my mother change her mind about this.

Should I care so much about it? I mean, I finally have the opportunity to be a parent, a real parent, with a real kid and real responsibilities. Oh my god, that's terrifying!

We are finally here! Seattle looks a bit different than I can remember but that feeling of being home still remains the same. It's like all these years I've been living in Vancouver happened just a moment ago. I pick up my suitcase and rush to the airport's exit. I get in a cab and before I know it I'm in my hotel room, just a few minutes away from Saint Mary's hospital. I take a shower, I quickly get dressed and before I know it, I'm standing at the huge door of Saint Mary's. Third floor, room 371, here I come.

I enter the building and I am determined to go talk to my mom. My hands are shaking and I feel like I'm seating. Anxiety takes over my body and I can't help it. I think the best thing for me to do is waiting here until I can stand on my feet and actually walk. Standing in the middle of the corridor trying to get myself together, I notice this small chapel. Well I think I could use a prayer right now. I really need a guide, or a sign, or a miracle. Maybe god could help me, even though I'm not that huge fan of His, but anyway. Right now I could all the possible help I can get. As I am entering the chapel, I see a boy and a girl praying. I doubt they even noticed me, but I couldn't help but overhear them talking.

"Have faith babe...she is a warrior, she will overcome this, you'll see" the boy said.

"I...I don't think so...she fought a lot all this time that I doubt she has any more strength left inside of her..." said the girl in tears.

"You should have faith..."said the boy once again and held her hand tight.

The girl leaned her head on his shoulder and when she finally stopped crying "faith is all I have left. This is what I need right now...a prayer and my person...please, pray with me..." she said.

The boy kissed her forehead and whispered something to her.

For a moment there I saw Ed and me in those teenagers. Just for a moment.

Maybe this cute couple is my sign. Maybe this is all I needed in order to stand strong and go up to the third floor and face my mom.

I better go now before I chicken up again. Let's go Katherine. That's your moment of truth. You go up there and negotiate your daughter's future, your future as the family you should be all along. No matter what the stubborn old lady says, do not let her get to you. Stand up for yourself and demand what always has been yours.

Do not let her get to you

Do not let her get to you...

As the elevator opens and I start walking down the corridor looking for room 371 I keep saying that to myself..."do not let her get to you...not again..."

I turn my head around and there was room 371...