Fuck you, i like you

everything i haven't told you yet

Dear future boyfriend,

I really hope that you'll be the one

I've been through a lot in my past relationships and I've been burned by them too, getting cheated on twice and one of them was very emotionally unavailable. I really hope you won't be like that.

I want you to know that, i have a tendency to give a lot in relationships, i try to be the best girlfriend i can be and I'm gonna put your needs above my own. I'm insecure about a lot of things, i really hope you'll accept and love me for all that i am, even if I'm being difficult.

I'm gonna have moments where i just wanna be alone for a while, not because I don't wanna be with you but because I'm just trying to understand myself and the situation better. I really fucking hope you'll accept me.

I have scars that haven't quite healed yet, physically and mentally.

Whoever you are just know that I really like you and it takes a lot for me to open up to someone and trust them. I'm not really the type of person who can openly talk about my problems with someone because I'll feel like I'm a burden to them.

I'm also sick and tired of almost always being the one in relationships doing most of the work and giving more than the other person. Communication is really important to me too.

I need to feel like you're trying, like actually trying
care for me
love me
be up for my spontaneous nights out
but also when i wanna stay in and just binge a tv show all night.

I need you to understand that my alone time is really important to me, I don't wanna feel suffocated in our relationship.

I might come off too strong in the beginning but that's just because i really like you and i wanna get it right this time.
It's something I'm still working on and i hope you'll be patient with me.

I have never felt wanted and truly loved in a relationship. I've never been with someone who truly cared and tries their hardest with me, who loves me and thinks about me.

I've had a lot of moments where i feel like maybe I'm just incapable of finding someone who can love me like that.

I really hope you change that.

I wanna be in love with my best friend, someone who understands and appreciates all the weird and quirky things about me, the same odd sense of humour and have small inside jokes with.