Thoughts

Late Night

My head sometimes scares me
And I don't mean it like I'm fearful for my life.

My mom says she thinks I'm bipolar and a lot of people on my dads side including himself is bipolar and only 1 out of all them take their pills.

I've seen and been through a lot
With my bipolar family. It's hectic at times and deep down I will never fully admit to my mom how bad my head is. I will never admit to her how much I just want
To blow up and melt how I do sometimes want to scream and throw things and hurt others.
Other times it myself who I want to hurt.

I have admitted that I want to see a doctor to get me tested which we've asked about it and it's possible that I am. Which my family knows. Well more my mom and sister.

None of my friends truly know what I struggle with. They say oh ya everyone is a little bipolar.
And just I'm just like NO. I'm more than a little it's a fuckin hassle and dead weight on your shoulders.

It is suffocating not being able to even understand yourself and what's actually going on.
I've mentioned it before but "my high-highs" and "my low-lows" and then at the most fucked up times
The numb moments fall open onto you and you don't know what to do then.