Dystopia

Table of Contents:

Introduction

Chapter 1: Love

Chapter 2: When the Birds Sing Me to Sleep

Chapter 3: Beautiful Minds

Chapter 4: Melissa

Chapter 5: Carmen Patel

Chapter 6: Persephone

Chapter 7: Garnet

Chapter 8: Artificial Refraction

Chapter 9: Deja vu

Chapter 10: Utopia in the Stars

Chapter 11: Fact or Fiction

Chapter 12: Sapphire

Chapter 13: Turbulence

Chapter 14: Ultraviolet

Chapter 15: Alive Again

Introduction:

Abraham Hicks talks about how bringing up the negative past emotions only perpetuates a deeper indulgence into the details of the matter. The best way to let the negative past influences go is to channel your mind and energy away from that and towards something positive instead. However, this was exactly the opposite of writing a book on my past or going to see a therapist about my negative emotions. What if I tried something different and instead began meditating on those thoughts and then letting them go, so that I could focus my energy on something different and more positive instead? It makes sense that this is a more difficult activity for me, since I am the type of person who always wants answers and has a detective-like mindset. However, I have learned that "letting go" is more about the quality of life that begins to dynamically influence the vibrations of your energy and cells. For example, I went on a walk instead of going for a run, since going for a run is always more about how far I can push myself instead of relaxing and enjoying the moment. I have learned that even meditation and deep breathing can be more of an up-tight regimen for me instead of just "letting go" and doing things with ease and softness. I found a lake with ducks and just sat there with some relaxing trance music and focused on the hues of light that reflected off the surface of the water. I watched the ducks close their eyes against the trees and realized that life is precious, and it is important to sometimes do nothing to allow your brain to relax and gain more oxygen. The level of sleep deprivation I was experiencing from work was causing me to feel paranoid, anxious, and irritable because my waste products in my brain were not getting cleared out from the glymphatic system because I was not getting enough sleep for that brain activity to occur. I focused intently on the ripples in the pond and thought about sound waves and vibrations, then my thoughts were suddenly re-directed to a past memory of my childhood.

I was twelve or thirteen years old in my room on the second floor of our beautiful home in Tamplin Farms where the wealthy people had enough land to build a big house, but have a few acres of land and sometimes with horses. I had a large collection of angels in my room, a marbled gold ceiling, and a dainty crystal chandelier that hung from the ceiling. Outside my windows I could see the backyard covered with fresh-cut green grass, white and maple oak trees spread randomly throughout the steep, wooded hills, and a creek that marked the anterior region of our pasture that lasted for miles on end. In our pasture, I found bunny rabbits and wild blackberries. I ended up sneaking a baby rabbit into my room without anyone finding out about it. I was young when I started journaling and found creative writing a beautiful escape, especially while being outside barefoot in nature. I decided at age 13, around the time menarche began for me, that I would attempt to write a book for the first time. I thought I had to experience sex to write about the details of this sex scene in my book, so I tried to find someone to fuck. I recently realized why my adolescent mind was being deceived by thinking that I had to experience something for myself, in order to fully understand it. I realized this when I heard Billie Eilish say, "you don't have to become a murderer to write about a psychopath." Maybe it just takes empathy and being able to actively soak up someone else's words, in order to imagine being the one experiencing it. After I lost my virginity, I started this bad habit of lying to myself about sex and finally my bad habits became my belief system. I wanted to just experience something that made me feel alive from my depression. I somehow realized that if I had sex with a guy I wasn't attracted to, while under the influence of some substance, it tricked my mind into thinking that I was attracted to him. If I ended up having sex with the same guy enough times that met or exceeded my expectations, then I could make myself "fall in love with him." I realized that I was living this lie about how I defined love, without even realizing what I was doing to myself physically, mentally, and emotionally. There are so many invisible dimensions of reality that are invisible to the naked eye, which is why energy and time are so mystical if we look outside the box. It has taken me many mistakes and many years to learn how to love myself. I love my life because I have realized that when I have a unique and beautiful mind is when I let go of all the bad habits that tried to destroy my reality. Time is actually not even real, according to Albert Einstein and the General Theory of Relativity it is nonexistent. Every day I wake up I'm living this life with my calendar that reminds me of the ordered chaos that attempts to control my entire reality with deadlines. We are born into a universe that is realistically trippy, but we end up becoming unaware of the mysticism found in the unseen dimensional realities, as long as we make the choice to ignore our curiosity. Letting your mind run wild in nature, even when you "grow up", feels so good if you just let it be and let it go.