Scrambled

Rain

It was raining that day.  We met up... Just like any other time. You greeted me with a smile and a hug. I miss that hug. Those two tender arms crushing my ribs, warming me up... Draining me from myself... Just like every other.

We walked around the park. The branches swinging softly on a slight breeze, and a fresh breeze blowing in our direction, as if to say hello. It's funny, really. Our conversations jumped from topic to topic, ever so annoyingly unfocused and wild. I can't remember the last time I laughed so... Honestly. The rays of light breached through the leaves creating a path for us to explore. Everything was a game.

Yet... It's as if everything had meaning. I was swallowed by the dark sea of thought and emotion, falling ever so deep into myself. And you fell with me. Knowing... That there is no way back. We swung on the waves, losing ourselves in darkness, looking towards the light that only got further and further away. Every single second the sea around us only got darker and colder... And we loved it. Because it was only ever so cold for the two of us. We were there, together. That was all that mattered.

There was always that black cup of coffee and a smile, to remind me of that. And, as every time it was right there. The same table by the window, looking over the red sunset, and the same staff that only came to say hi, because there was no point in asking what we would order. It was always the same black cup of coffee, accompanied by a smoking cigarette in the ashtray.

And somewhere in those laughs, and talks, and smiles... You... I took it for granted. I was happy knowing my day would be the same, because that only meant I would see you again. We would say our farewells, knowing the next day it would all be the same. And we did. Just like any other day.

I greeted the next day eagerly, waiting to experience our routine like a small child eager to try out a new game. The sun was bright and the birds intruded themselves into the wind, chirping annoyingly. I waited... Right there. By the same bench in the park where we would meet, same place, same time, just as every other day. Ignorantly, I sat down, lit a cigarette and scrolled over my phone, reading the latest news, readying myself to scold you for daring to show up so late.

And then... A tremor. An earthquake crawling over my skin, shaking my insides, climbing from my toes until it reached the top of my head. My fingers started shaking, my heartbeat echoed through my head, resonating through my skull, everything was so... Loud! The phone and the cigarette felt so heavy. It was as if an invisible spear pierced my chest, yet, I could not utter a sound. Suddenly... Silence. The wind, the leaves that broke the sunlight, the grass, everything stopped. The newfound hole in my chest had swallowed everything. The sounds, the sun... And me. I calmly placed my phone on the bench beside me, finishing the last puff of my cigarette.

I can't say what it wrote... All that mattered, was that it was your picture. Right there... On those cursed black pages.

I don't know how long I remained seated... After all, it was raining that day.