Scrambled

Gaze

I get lost sometimes... Not in a bad way really. I wonder if it is because of who I am or perhaps just a normal human notion.

My daily routine often consists of leaning on the stone fence of my balcony, puffing my first cigarette, as the sun slowly gets lost behind the horizon. The clouds shift over the mountains surrounding the sea, and the rays of light break over the melancholic sky. And just like the smoke gets carried away by the light breeze, so do my thoughts. It all looks so... Surreal.

It's exactly at those points when I wonder what it would be like to hover over those clouds and follow the sun. Yes, a certain feeling of longing takes over and opens a hole in my chest, which drowns my peace. I'm never really sure of what the point of it all is. Why do I stare into the distance hoping I would find something more? Even though I know... At the end of the day, it's really the same thing.

Thinking about it now, I often get lost in fantasies of worlds mankind had not yet discovered. Worlds filled by beings and forces we cannot ever possibly explain with scientific laws or our all-so-knowing judgemental nature. How beautiful it would really be...

Even though those fantasies sound so fulfilling, that whole in my chest drowns my happiness-filled daydreams in sorrow. I guess... That is exactly why I am who I am. Solely because of the fact that I always expect more from this world. A more beautiful sunset, larger clouds, and deeper connections with people. Stories of life that would be just like those we read in books, romantic novels, or even horror stories.

Perhaps, it is just my discontented nature, which forces me to drift away so. For I never saw my book completed. Recalling my memories, there were always chapters I desired had more stories in them.

Just as I put out my cigarette, so do I put out these daydreams and return to my work. And only the emptiness stays.