to neptune and back, still. // billie eilish

one.

HI!! so, here is the sequel for her ocean eyes:) if you've read chapter 52 of her ocean eyes, you can skip this entire first chapter because it is literally that chapter word for word. i just wanted to start this story off with a chapter from the last story so that it didn't start off with a random chapter. also: if you have not read her ocean eyes, READ THAT. this story will not make sense otherwise. thank u<3
___________
*billies pov*

"3...2...1..." Everyone yelled as we all gathered around me.

My first album release.

It all feels pretty surreal, considering the fact that I've been working on this album for the past year. And finally, it's here.

The first "song" starts playing, which is really just me taking my invisalign out and laughing with Finneas. Everyone got a kick out of that one.

"I'm so proud of you baby." I hear in my ear, as a small hand wraps around my waist and kisses my cheek.

"Leah!" I yelled, giving her a small kiss on the lips.

Leah and I just started dating about two months ago, but she's genuinely the sweetest I've ever met.

Katherine and I never really got closure, but fuck her anyways. I hope she's doing well though, seriously.

I walk around saying hi to everyone as my album plays on speakers, trying to see their reactions to the songs.

I stop and walk to the back of the room, scrolling through fans reactions and liking some posts. They all love it, which doesn't surprise me, but they LOVE it.

"This is crazy." Finneas says, walking up to me, smiling. Claudia following his side.

"I know. I never thought this day would come."

Goodbye starts playing, which means the album party is almost over, so I walk up to the front of the room, grabbing a microphone.

"Hey everyone, it's Billie. Thank you for listening to this album with me and thank you to all of you for being there with and for me always. I love you, have a good night."

Everyone clapped, and I felt infinite. I love these people.

I help clean up after everyone else leaves, picking up cups and trash from the floor.

"Hey." Leah says, handing me a few pieces of
trash. "The album was amazing. I'm so proud."

"You already said that, but thank you love."

Truth is that I don't think I'm over Katherine. Tonight "8" was playing, and all I could think about was the night we sang it on the beach.

Or the morning when she woke up and I was writing "i love you." 

We have a lot of memories that kind of just stuck though. So maybe I am over her and I just miss the good memories. I don't really know.

"You ready to go?" I ask Leah, as she nods. I take her hand, squeezing it as we walk out of the building to my car.

We parked out back because of paps, they've gotten bad recently.

We drove silently which seems to be our thing. We always talk while I drive and engage instead of listening to music.

"Did you catch up with anyone tonight?" She says, which had me thinking.

I haven't talked to a few of my closest friends recently, but they were at the party. We did talk , it was just confusing. I don't know what happened. They're all still friends with Katherine though.

My entire family loves her, but they also love Leah. But I think the love for Katherine is different. She was always there with me, and me and Leah barely even hang out.

We kinda just fuck all the time.

"I kinda did. Zoe and Drew came and we talked."

"Hm, alright."

"Yeah, It was nice talking to them again. I missed them."

"Oh, I bet." She said, seeming upset.

"Baby, are you okay?"

Tears roll down her cheek, and she faces towards the window, trying to hide it.

"Do you think we're changing? Are we getting worse? I feel so distant from you." She says, crying through her words.

I place my hand on her thigh, squeezing as I try to comfort her.

"No, no, no. I refuse to let you go. We're okay, I promise." She nods in response. "You want some food?" She nods again.

I pull into the Taco Bell drive thru, ordering me a burrito and her nachos.

"Thank you honey." She says, before I kiss her forehead and drive off.

I had to drop her off at her house because I had work to do tonight, so I kissed her goodbye and dropped her off.

I rolled her side of the window down.

"Hey, we're okay. I promise." I said, which made her smile.

"Okay. I hope so." She says, as she walks up to her house. I sit and wait until she gets in safe, then I leave.

There's a lot about this relationship that's weird. All of our conversations are boring and never interesting. I don't feel a connection at all. But, I can't break her heart. Ive been heartbroken and it sucks, and I can't do it to another person. But really, truth is that I'm not completely happy.

I turn in the radio, listening to Tyler as I driving home, and Glitter starts playing.

"Oh god." I say, audibly.

I listen to the lyrics, remembering the moments that have happened during this song, as tears fill my eyes.

Yeah, I'm not over her.