to neptune and back, still. // billie eilish

ten.

Billies POV

"You're being ridiculous."

"It was posted everywhere. Fan pages, twitter, instagram. Everywhere."

Leah's been at my house, yelling at me for the past twenty minutes about Katherine. Apparently, the fan who delivered food earlier today got a picture of me and Katherine, and posted it. And that never does well.

"Why did you leave me for her?" She says, sitting on my bed, trying to force her tears back in her eye sockets.

I stayed silent.

She stood up, obviously angry.

"You're so fucking ruthless. You have no heart." She yells, shoving her fist into my chest. "I fucking hate you."

I place my hands on her shoulders lightly, walking forward, making her walk backward.

"Calm down, please." I say, which only makes her more angry.

She pushes me once, then again, and again, and again. Eventually, I'm up against my wall, and she's punching my chest again. She gets weak to her knees, sobbing into my chest.

I feel horrible. I did this to her. I'm the reason she feels like this.

I wrap one arm around her, hugging her for comfort.

"You've ruined me." She says through her tears, barely being able to breathe.

I walk her back over to my bed, sitting down while still hugging her.

"I'm sorry." I say, but she doesn't respond. She just looks up at me. "I cant help being in love with her. And I know I should've told you or I should've never gotten with you if I still loved her, but I didn't know I did."

"Did you ever love me? Ever?" She says, stopping her crying.

"I don't know."

She stands up, brushing her clothes with her hands.

I stand up with her, as she stares at me. Her tears form in the corner of her eyes as she looks into mine.

And I kissed her.

I dont know why I did, but I did.

She kisses me back, passionately.

And I think I started to feel for her again.

~

"If I knew it all then, would I do it again, would I do it again?" I sang, as Finneas watches me approvingly.

We've been writing this song for a while now, and we're starting to get a lot of it pieced together.

"That was good, Bil." He said, smiling.

"Nah, I wanna do another take." I say, putting the headphones back on.

He sighs, deleting the clip on his computer, and starting to record again.

That happened about a hundred more times, until finally we just gave up for the day.

"I'm gonna go lay down." I say, patting his back.

"Okay. Work on it tomorrow?" He asks, spinning in his chair.

"I have plans tomorrow."

"With?"

"Katherine."

His eyes opened, and he tapped on his desk. I guess he was thinking.

"Damn," Is all he said though. "Really?"

I laugh, playing with my rings.

"Yeah. I love her, man. Foreal."

I smile, leaning my head back, semi-nervously.

"Sheeeeeeesh." I say, covering my face with my hands.

"Well, have fun. Don't make me pick you up from her house again. That was a sad day." He says, laughing.

He's not wrong. That was a sad day.

"Alright, I'll try."

I walk out of his room, and walk through the small hallway to get to the bathroom.

I whip out my phone, snapchatting Katherine.

I dint even use Snapchat. But, for some reason I did.

I just send her a simple "hey," because I wasn't sure what to say. I just wanted to talk to her.

I set my phone down for a second, starting the shower water.

I wait until I can see the mirror fogging up, that's how I know it's hot enough for me to get in.

I undress, hopping into the shower quickly.

I brought my phone into the shower so that I could play music, but I saw that she snapped me back, so I checked it.

She sent a picture back, even though I sent her a chat.

She was in the shower too, showing off almost her whole chest, just not her boobs. She was smiling, and the text said, "hey baby." 

Sheesh, this girl is hot.

I sent her a snap back of me sticking my tongue out, with the text "damn we showering together i guess."

I pick a playlist to listen to, and I set my phone on the window sill beside my shower.

I do all my business, washing my body and hair and shit, and I get out as quickly as I could.

I missed her already.

She texted back with a chat.

"wish i was in the same shower as you though."

This girl is about to make me act up.

I smile, and I continue texting her for a while.

But, after a few hours I knew it was time to sleep. Gotta get up bright and early for Disney.

So, I texted her goodnight, and laid in my bed, thinking.

Sleep wasn't really an option right now. All I could think about was today.

Why did I kiss Leah?

I dont know, truthfully. I don't think I even wanted to. It just happened.

Before she left, she kissed me again. I told her it would be the last kiss she ever got from me. And, she seemed okay with that.

I cant let myself get caught up between break girls. I think I'd go back to Katherine any day, but there's always a risk. And I don't want to lose Katherine again.

Tomorrow is gonna be perfect. I'm gonna make it perfect.