"Dude, you totally have to do it!"
"Why? What's the point?"
Pete and Joe were almost crying with laughter. Patrick was not amused.
"Because Pattycakes," Pete said, wrapping an arm around his shoulder, "you got dared to! It's all in the spirit of the game."
"Patrick, please just do it so they can shut up." Andy complained before taking another sip of his low fat, no foam, vegan soy latte.
"Seriously Patrick, you're a guy! What are you afraid of? That it's going to come out positive!?" Joe snickered, "Besides, i'm 95% positive you're a virgin anyway."
Petes smirk grew. Patrick wanted to punch him.
"Fine," Patrick groaned, "I'll take the stupid pregnancy test." He snatched the package from Joes hand, dragging his feet on the carpet the whole way to the bathroom door. His friends were fucking idiots.
"You guys do know that you're fucking idiots right?" Andy sighed.
"Sticks and stones Andy-Bear!"
They had continued the game for ten minutes without him. Pete stared furiously at the door, like if he stared long enough it would magically open and Patrick would appear by his side (he didn't fyi). Patrick finally trudged himself out of the bathroom after a few more minutes. He simply opened the door, flicked off the bathroom light, and walked to his room. Andy and Joe swapped questioning glances at each other.
"What's his situation?" Joe asked questioningly in Petes direction.
"How am I supposed to know?"
"Well, you and Patrick do have that whole freaky connection thingy," Andy delivered, "If anyone would know, it would be you."
They weren't wrong. Pete could always tell when something was bothering Patrick, could always feel every emotion he was feeling. That was just the way it had been since Pete saw him standing there in his stupid black knee socks and argyle sweater. Once, he had looked it up, tried to find a name to match it. Although he couldn't remember exactly what it was called, he had found it. Either way, he could feel there was something seriously wrong with Patrick right now.
"I'll be back" he said, standing up to go to the room.
"Fine," Joe mumbled tolling his eyes, "but hurry up!"
Knock knock knock. Nothing. Knock knock knock knock knock. The door suddenly flew open and just as quickly Patrick pulled Pete inside and shut it. He immediately started pacing back and forth, his face contorted and looking very panicked. This couldn't be good.
"What's wrong?!"
"Shut up okay just- just shut up!"
"Patrick, dude, what-?"
"Something must be wrong with me. I think I'm dreaming." Patrick stopped mid pace and looked square at him, "Is this a dream?"
Pete's face twisted in confusion. What the hell is even going on here?
"Noooo?" Pete combed his fingers through his bangs and then crossed his arms over his chest. Patrick began pacing again. "Well any time you wanna go ahead and actually tell me what's wrong-"
"I'm pregnant."
"...what?"
"I'm pregnant."
Patrick was pretty sure Pete's laughter could be heard on the other side of the world. He was almost positive they would be receiving a call from the queen of England asking them if they could turn it down a little. Patrick squared his jaw.
"Great acting Stump," He mused, still giggling, "I thought something was actually wrong with you for a second."
"Something is actually wrong with me! Very, very wrong!!"
Pete's face could hardly contain his bemused grin. He wondered how long Patrick was going to keep this up.
"Is that all?"
Patrick looked at him with a look mixing worry and curiosity.
"Patrick, Joe and Andy are waiting for us, we should probably ge-"
Patrick quickly held up 3 pregnancy tests. All three contained bright blue dots next to a word Pete had never thought he would ever even associated with Patrick.
"PREGNANT"
Pete's eyes widened. No way. No fucking way. That's not? That can't even be remotely possible.
"Bu- but. You're a dude"
"I know-"
"And I'm a dude"
"I know-"
"That's one of the things I love about you. You know, the having a dick part."
"Wow, okay, hurtful."
"I mean, I love you for more than just your dick but can you really blame me right now okay I'm kind of freaking out because I just found out my boyfriend is PREGNANT so maybe cut me some slack?!"
Pete's face had began to flush as he talked, as if the more He said it out loud the more the reality sunk in. Suddenly the small bathroom walls felt even smaller, as they seemed to collapse in on him. His vision was distorted, he couldn't seem to think straight, he couldn't seem to think about anything. Suddenly, everything had gone dark, and he faded into blackness.
In the distance, Pete could hear someone calling to him in the distance.
"pete. Pete. Pete. PETE."
Suddenly His vision came back into focus. He could hear Patrick saying something but he couldn't make out what it was.
"Huh?" Pete said, shading his eyes from the bright flourencent light.
"I said, of course, I'm the pregnant one, but you're the one who needs medical attention!"
Oh shit. It was all coming back to him.
"Preg- pregnant... OH SHIT Patrick you're pregnant."
"Yes Pete, I believe we established that. I swear if I hear that word one more time, I will actually scream."
"What word?"
"Pregnant!" the doctor said, suddenly bursting into the room. "Pregnant! I've never seen anything like it"
Patrick shoved his face into the pillow, letting out a loud groan.
"Are you saying the test came back positive?" Pete asked inquizitivley.
"Yes!" the doctor stated, "And it shows that you are absolutely"
"Dont say it" Patrick begged.
"Positivley"
"For the love of God,
"Without a doubt"
"Please, don't do this"
"Pregnant!"
Patrick slapped his forehead, "WHY"
"Well, from what we can tell of the X-ray, you are a homogamous" the doctor said, just a little too calm about all of this.
"And that means?" Pete questioned.
"It means, you have both sex organs. I'll spare you the details, but I'm sure you have a lot of questions. Before you ask them, I will give you a few answers to the most common question I am asked, okay?"
Pete and Patrick both nodded silently, still in a bit of shock.
"Okay, here we go. Yes, this is happening, no, it is not a prank. Yes, you will be able to have a healthy baby, and carry it to term. Although uncommon, this does happen, and, unless you choose otherwise, you can give birth to this child the way any other organism would, with just a little extra help. No, this does not make you biologically female, you are male, you just happen to also have ovaries capable of making a child. Yes, this is slightly dangerous, but giving birth is just dangerous in general. Any other questions?"
They both stood quietly, heads swimming with information.
"No?" the doctor said. "Alright then. Here is my number," he jutted a piece of Paper in there direction, which Patrick grabbed and folded, then placed into his pocket.
"Congratulations you two," the doctor remarked, turning the corner as he exited the room, "you're going to be parents!"
They stood there, quitely for a moment, before Pete cleared his throat and turned to Patrick.
"Soooooo,"
"Yeah?"
"At least now Joe will believe you're not a virgin anymore!"
Patrick punched his shoulder, but couldn't help but laugh.
