A Letter To Heaven

The Letter✉👼

To: Heaven
Sunday 2nd February 2020
From: #275 Jill street, The Garden

Dear Mom🌺🧸,
I often wonder, 'how are you?' and 'where are you?' and 'what is it like?' but I might never get answers for any of those questions. The most I can do is try to come to par with it. The fact that you're gone. The fact that I've lost you forever and will never get to see you or make you laugh or enjoy the time we spent together. You often said I would regret not loving you as I should but I did love you. I just never knew how to show it and I'm sorry for that but I was only fifteen, in the mids of my teenage life. I don't regret what I did or how I spoke to you, instead I regret not being able to change that, not given the chance to mature and show you the love that you deserve.
I am sorry and I wish you were here to see the person I've become. The child that once were is no more. Forced to change in less than a year but I don't mind at all. I've better myself and I want to show you how proud I am of myself and I know you would be proud to but I want to talk to you and see the smile on your face when you see just how far I've come from the fifteen year old I was before.
In two days I'll be turning seventeen and I don't think I could spend another birthday without you. One was far too much and why celebrate the day you were born when in representation there is no one that birthed me? To me it makes no sense if I don't have my other half. They really say that you don't know what you had until you've lost it. Well man...I really didn't know what I had. I had the piece of the puzzle that completed me and without it I feel empty.
I just wish I had one day with you. Nothing more. Just a day where I can recap my life and talk to MY mother and not someone else's. Just one day where I can ask you and see what it's like in your world. One day is all I wish for. To hug you again and receive a kiss from you and just laugh at pointless things. I wish for one day alone. That's all I want for my birthday. I don't want to die. I'm not suicidal. I want to temporarily come up to heaven for a day to be with you and go back home afterwards.
I wish god would allow that. The impossible is called, 'The impossible' for a reason. It could never be possible and I know what I wish can can never be possible but it's just a wish and not all wishes come true and that's okay. Anyways I know you would never get this and that's okay too. I love you mom. Always and forever will.

Your loving daughter,
Julie Ramkumar❤