I love you, you know that. But sometimes it feels like you will never love me as much as I love you. You were always there for me and I appreciate that. But now you can't be here, and it feels like I've lost everything I've ever loved. I hate it without you and it has changed me into someone I never wanted to be. But I can't help it, I'm trying to keep moving forward. Everyday I'm breaking apart and I'm so close to losing my god damn mind. I need help but everyone I'm trying to reach out to ignores me or can't talk. Whenever I text you, you take to long to reply and by the time you do I'm already falling apart. My house is a train wreck and my mom is mentally abusing me with every word she says. I can't take it. I try to express my feelings through songs but nobody realizes. They always see my mistakes, my failures, my depression, but they never take it seriously. They wave it off and don't say shit when they see cuts on my skin, knives and blood on my floor. I hate being here and I just want to go somewhere where I can finally be happy, I can finally get a break and relax but I'm being told to do something every second. My head is louder than the world around me, voices keep telling me that I'm nothing and I should give up, I believe them and I know that I'm all the things I've been told. I'm a mistake, a disappointment, stupid, fat, ugly, nothing, a loner, a slut. I believe that, but your the only one who hasn't told me those things. I love you so much, more than you can imagine, but you love so many more people more than you love me, you could put so many more people above me and you know it. I feel like I'm ready to give up and kill myself already. But I know I'm going to hurt some people including you. So I'm trying to keep my head up and keep going but it's hard. I just wanted to say thank you for being there and trying to make me feel better but it's not working. Getting "rid" of my depression is something that I need to fight away. Not something that can just go away from words alone.
~Alex💛
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